


Too Young

by drarrywolfstarlarry



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23407300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drarrywolfstarlarry/pseuds/drarrywolfstarlarry
Summary: An alternate reality story that follows the lives of The Marauders generation except that Lily and James Potter did not die the night Voldemort came. Instead, James' love saved both Lily and Harry. (Sorry J.K. but James Potter wouldn't have just fallen to the ground dead just like that.)Remus and Sirius started dating while at Hogwarts (5th year) but they broke up during the war. They each had separate missions for The Order and they took Unbreakable Vows to not speak of them until the war was won, it took a toll on their relationship. They remained close friends. Afterall, James and Sirius still help Remus during the full moons.(James and Sirius are aurors and Lily and Remus went to teach at Hogwarts after the war. Mary works as a healer.)Can they ever get back what they had? Or did the war take that away from them forever?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 18
Kudos: 61





	1. too young

_We were too young, to know we had everything._

_Too young, I wish we could have seen it all along._

_I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling._

As Remus was sitting in his favorite chair, reading his favorite book, snuggled in his favorite blanket, an owl came. Sirius' owl to be exact, and so that alone was enough to make his heart soar.

**Moony,**

**Hiya. Are you going to Harry's birthday party? I could use someone sensible to talk to ;). Miss ya Moons, hope to see you. (Even though I saw you 4 days ago.)**

**Yours,**

**Padfoot**

"Yours", he was at one point, until the war took its toll. Countless things were lost because of the war though, so many things. 

_**Padfoot,** _

_**Why do you even have to ask? You know I am. 1. I love Harry. 2. James and Lily would hex me if I didn't** _ _**. I will be there. Miss you too, Pads. ~~Always.~~ ** _

_**Moony** _

Remus sighed as he sat back down, Sirius always made his heart race with even the most simple of things: even still, after all this time of being broken up. Funny enough, right when Remus was about to have a pity party for himself he heard, _Hello? Rem? It's Mary! Unlock your door you tosser!_

As he opened the door, Mary flung herself at him and Remus took her in his arms. 

"You lanky git! I've missed you!" She said into his shoulder.

"Oi! Who you calling lanky? Missed you too, Mary. How was the trip?" Remus said brightly. Mary made Remus feel light and happy, even just being in her presence. 

"Amazing, glad to be home though. You're going to Harry's birthday party, yeah?" She asked, following Remus into his living room and taking a seat on the couch. Remus lived in a muggle flat, but it was connected to the Floo, Mary lived a few blocks away. Not too long ago, it's where he and Sirius lived together.

"Of course I am. I haven't seen Harry in about a week and I already miss that lad. James and Lily too, I suppose." Mary laughed.

"Eh. Harry's the reason we all still hang out with them, let's be honest." She joked.

"How was your trip, really? Are you... feeling... better?" Remus asked, suddenly much more serious. Mary looked up, tight smile on her face.

"Look, I won't lie. I wasn't doing well at first. But then I thought... Ok, would Marlene want me to be there, on a beautiful beach, in our favorite place, and be miserable? No. So I got over myself. I went to all our favorite spots and I cried a bit, but happy cried. I feel better. Thank you."

"Thank me? For what?" Remus asked.

"For convincing me to go. It was a good idea, I needed it. It's been 2 years and it was time to make my peace with it." Marlene was killed 2 years ago while on a case. She was an auror, and was tracking down a Death Eater who they still hadn't caught. James was her partner at the time and they had split up. She found him, but before she could capture him, he killed her. James walked in as it was happening and stunned him. 

"You're so strong Mary. She'd be so proud of you. I know I am." He sat down next to her and wrapped her in a warm hug. Remus grabbed the remote and turned the telly on. They sat comfortably, Remus' arm around her and her leaning on his chest, for a long time until someone popped in the Floo. 

"Moony!" It's Sirius. He and Mary sat up quickly, startled by the intrusion. "Sorry. It's... it's important." He said glumly, looking down.

"Not Harry..." Remus asked, scared of the answer.

"No! No! Gods, no! Er... Peter. He's um. He's got a trial. They say they may let him out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song at the beginning is 'Too Young' by Louis Tomlinson.  
> I know this is really super short!!! The other chapters will be much longer I just wanted to set everything up (:


	2. we used to be friends (a long time ago)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did Peter do it? How could he?
> 
> "It's interesting because no matter how any of them feel about this situation, they all loved Peter once. Not only was he a schoolmate, but their best friend. That's why the betrayal was so painful."

_  
We used to be friends  
A long time ago  
We used to be friends  
A long time ago  
We used to be friends  
A long time ago..._

"What? How could they let him out? James, Lily and Harry almost died!" Remus yelled. Peter deserved to be in Azkaban. 

"I don't know Moons. All I know is that James and Lily got an owl from Dumbledore asking if they'd meet with him. I watched Harry while they were there and when they got home they told me that Dumbledore was going to testify in Peter's defense! The slimy rat. He deserves to rot in Azkaban!" Sirius shouted.

"What!? How could Dumbledore do that!?" 

"Maybe you two should go meet with Dumbledore." Mary said quietly. She had remained quiet since Sirius popped in.

"Good idea, Mary." Sirius said. "C'mon Remus, we're going." He grabbed Remus' arm and started walking towards the Floo.

"Uh, I meant write to him and plan something Sirius, don't just-"

"Mary, Peter betrayed us. We're going now. Right Rem?" Remus looked at Mary with a look of _I can't very well let him go by himself, can I_ , and then looked at Sirius.

"Sure, Pads. Let's go." And they Floo'd to Hogwarts. It's interesting because no matter how any of them feel about this situation, they all loved Peter once. Not only was he a schoolmate, but their best friend. That's why the betrayal was so painful.

.

Dumbledore didn't have a Floo in his office, so they Floo'd to the main level of Hogwarts and made their way to his office.

"Dumbledore! Let us in! Albus Dumbledore!" Sirius was yelling upstairs even though he knew that it's password protected. 

"Sirius, password." Sirius flushed, but then said "Lemon Drops." And the staircase opened up.

"Sirius, Remus. I've been expecting you two. How can I help?" Dumbledore said, calm and collected as usual. Sirius was about to speak, but Remus touched his arm and began talking instead.

"We're here because James and Lily met with you and you told them that Peter has a trial." Remus said, as leveled as he could.

"This is true. Why don't you two take a seat. Would you like a Lemon Drop?" Dumbledore said.

"We don't want a fucking Lemon Drop Professor. We want to know how the hell you could even consider testifying for Pettigrew. He's a fucking snake! A rat! He betrayed us all and he almost got James and Lily and," Sirius' voiced cracked a bit but his face remained set, "Harry. An innocent baby, Professor. How could you!?" Remus could tell that Sirius was about to cry and so he set a calming hand on his back. 

"Sirius, let's sit down and hear what Albus has to say, yeah?" Remus said. Sirius looked at Remus and sighed. They sat down across from Dumbledore and looked at him expectantly. 

"I understand your anger Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew betrayed you. Have you not made a mistake that could have harmed someone you loved?" Dumbledore said.

Sirius flinched as though he had been punched. Sirius knew what Dumbledore was referencing. "The Incident" is what they had taken to call it. When Sirius told Snape about Remus' lycanthropy.

"How dare you throw that in my face right now! How dare you! I- I was a child and I- How dare you!" Sirius yelled. At this point Remus noticed tears welling in Sirius' eyes, and set his hand on top of his and Sirius looked up at him. He mouthed, _it's okay_ , and then took a deep breath.

"Albus, those are two very different situations. We were in war and that's when you put all your trust in people. It's just... things are different." Remus said, still holding Sirius' hand.

"Did you not forgive Sirius? Even though your life was put in danger?" Dumbledore said.

"I-" Remus looked at Sirius. "I did. I loved him. Love him. But, you have to admit it's a bit of different circumstance." Remus said.

"Did you not love Mr. Pettigrew then?" Dumbledore said.

"I did. Look, Albus. I understand the point you're trying to make. I do. But still, it's different." Remus said, agitated. Is Dumbledore seriously saying that Peter deserves to be out of there? As if Sirius could read his mind (and sometimes Remus isn't too sure he can't) he spoke up.

"So you genuinely believe that Peter should be freed?" Sirius asked.

"Mr. Black, I think that 4 years in Azkaban is enough to make someone mad. I think he was a child, a child who was scared because Voldemort was threatening him and his loved ones. You knew Peter. You know he loved you all." Dumbledore said calmly. 

"I-Yes. Peter did care for us. But, he obviously cared about himself more, sir. I would have rather died than betray my friends, my family. We were family." Sirius said, suddenly a bit more sentimental.

"Sirius, Remus, all I'm doing is asking you to think. In your heart, find a way to understand. You don't have to forgive him, not at all. But maybe just try to see his perspective. See mine, and understand why I'm doing this. You are welcome to come to the trial and hear what I have to say, but if you don't think you can keep it together... then don't." He looked at Sirius pointedly.

"We'll think about it Professor. Thank you. C'mon Padfoot, let's go." Remus said standing to his feet. He grabbed Sirius' arm before he could continue arguing with Dumbledore. They went down the stairs and Sirius stopped abruptly. 

"Pads?" Remus questioned.

"I just... I'm so sorry Rem. I'll always be sorry." Sirius said.

"What...? Oh." Remus took his hands in his own. "Sirius I've long forgiven you for that. Don't worry about it, Ok?" Remus said.

"I worry about it every day. I always feel guilty, Remus. I love you and I get what Dumbledore was trying to say." Sirius looked up at Remus and sighed. "I just don't know how to forgive Peter."

"It's different. You didn't sell me out to a psychotic Wizard Hitler." Remus said.

"Wizard... Hitler?"

"Never mind. My point is, yes what you did sucked. But, you told Severus... which was shitty. Peter told a murdering psychotic dark wizard. Is Severus a slimy git? Yes. But, Dumbledore trusts him... so. It's just different, Ok?"

"I know it is... but is Dumbledore right? I mean... is 4 years enough? Should we go to the trial?"

"Let's go talk to James and Lily, we can all discuss what we should do." Remus took Sirius' hand and they walked to the Floo and made their way to the Potter residence.

.

"Of course I don't forgive him. Harry almost died! Lily almost died!" James said to Remus while they were pouring tea for the four of them. "But, do I think he should rot in Azkaban for the rest of his life... no." 

"So you think he should be let out?" Remus asked. He was a bit surprised, but also a part of him expected this. James is such a noble person, he wouldn't want Peter to rot in Azkaban forever.

"Lily does. And, I don't know, mate. I think that he made a mistake. The trial is going to show whether or not he regrets his mistake. It'll show if he's actually sorry." James said.

"Are you and Lily going to the trial?" 

"Here, let's bring the tea in, we can all talk." They walked into the other room where Sirius, Lily and Harry were. Harry was perched on Sirius' lap, playfully tugging at his long locks. Sirius and Lily looked like they were having a pleasant conversation as Lily looked up and saw Remus and James walking into the room.

James and Remus sat down opposite them and set the tea on the table. Everyone got their cups and there was a bit of an awkward silence.

"Ok, I'll say it. Should we go to the trial?" Lily started, breaking the silence. "I think that we should. That way we can see what happens. We can see Peter's reactions to everything. Merlin knows at the first one there was barley a trial because the war had just ended. There were bigger threats than Peter to worry about."

"I agree Lil. I think going would be a good idea, but that's only if _all_ of us can keep our cool." Remus said. 

"Hm. Subtle." Sirius scoffed, then sighed. "Look, I'll be on my best behavior, Ok?"

"You better. Do I need a leash?" Remus said lightheartedly. Sirius looked up at Remus and blushed. Obviously it had been a joke but it didn't stop Sirius from turning a deep shade of red.

"Oh shut up, Moony. I'll be good." Sirius looked up at Remus and caught his eyes before Remus quickly averted his gaze. Remus cleared his throat.

"Right then, it's settled? We're going?" It was a unanimous 'Yes'.

On Remus' way out Lily stopped him and pulled him into her and James' room.

"What is it Lil?" Remus asked her. She responded by slapping him in the arm. "Ow! Blimey, what was that for!?" Remus exclaimed.

"What is going on with you and Sirius!?" She whisper yelled. Remus froze.

"What? What do you mean? There's nothing going on between us." Remus answered confusedly.

"Then what was all that sexual tension I just witnessed?" Lily said.

"Er- I don't know. Must have been in your head." Remus answered quickly.

"Did you two hook up again?" Lily asked.

"No! Er-Um- no. No, we did not." 

"Gods, you two are infuriating. Just tell him you're in love with him!" 

"Lily, I'm not. Merlin, I'm-I-I'm not. And besides, he is most certainly not interested in me anymore."

"Remus, I know you're not this dumb. So let me ask, are you being deliberately obtuse?" Lily asked, exasperatedly.

"No, Lily."

"No, no. You must be, if you genuinely think Sirius isn't in love with you too. Why do you think he can never keep a relationship?"

"Because he just wants a good lay?" Remus said monotone.

"No, idiot! Because he's in love with you and thinks you're over him."

"I can't handle your lunacy tonight, Lil. I'm tired. It's been a long day." Remus sighed, and kissed Lily on the cheek. "I love you, see you for Harry's birthday party." He turned and headed to the Floo.

He couldn't help but hear Lily's words on a loop in his head the rest of the evening. _He's in love with you and thinks you're over him._ Could that be possible? No. Because if Sirius wants something he goes after it. If he were interested he would have said something... right?

.

On the day of Harry's birthday party Remus was feeling a bit sorry for himself. Lily's words have been playing in his head since the other night and he couldn't shake it. Of course, there is no chance that Lily is right. She just has perfect relationship syndrome. When you're in a happy relationship you think everyone around you needs to be in a relationship too. Well, Remus doesn't need a man or woman to be happy. Does that mean he wouldn't like one... no... But, regardless he can be perfectly happy being single. 

After going through what to wear for about 10 minutes he decided on a knitted jumper and jeans and headed to the Floo. He made his way inside the Potter's home searching for little Harry. Remus had gotten there a bit earlier than when the party started because he wanted to spend some extra time with him. He walked into their living room and saw Sirius holding Harry and pretending to fly him around the room.

"Seems like we had the same idea." Remus said, smiling fondly at them. Sirius turned around, surprised to hear someone's voice and got a bright smile when seeing who it was. 

"Who is that, Harry? Is that Uncle Moony? Is that Uncle Moony?" Sirius asked Harry while spinning him around and laughing.

"Yes, yes! It's Uncle Moony, Uncle Pads. Let me down, let me down! I wanna hug him!" Harry shouted gleefully. Sirius plopped him down on the floor and Harry went running to Remus as he lifted him into the air.

"Hello little one! I missed you so." Remus said, hugging him tightly. 

"I'm not little anymore Uncle Moony. Didn't you hear? I'm five today." Harry said matter-of-factly, holding up five fingers. 

"Oh, are you? Does that mean you're a grown up now?" Remus said, smiling lightly. 

"Yup! Mummy said so."

"Oh, is that right? Well, then I guess I should return this gift. Grown ups don't get presents after all..." Remus said, jokingly.

"Wait! Maybe... maybe I'm not a grown up yet... lemme see, lemme see!" Harry stuck out his hands to the present Remus had.

"No way, little one. Your mum would not be happy with me if I let you open this now. But, how about Uncle Pads and I play with you for a bit?"

"Ok! Ok! Did you hear that Uncle Pads! Uncle Moony is gonna play with us!" Harry said running over to Sirius.

"I did here that, Prongslet. Do you think Uncle Moony can keep up?" Sirius joked.

"Oh yeah, Uncle Moons is the most toughest of them all." Harry said, seriously.

"You know what, you're absolutely right. He is." Sirius looked right up at Remus with those piercing grey eyes. He smiled and then put his attention back on Harry.

"So, where's mum and dad, Harry?" Remus asked.

"When Uncle Paddy got here he said mummy and daddy looked tired, so they're taking a nap now. C'mon you can be the seeker and I will be the snitch!" Harry exclaimed.

"What! You're gonna be a ball?"

"Not just any ball, Moons. The golden snitch. Duh!" Sirius said.

"Oh, but of course." They played for a while until Lily and James came out into the living room.

"Hey you three. Remus, when did you get here?" James asked.

"He got here like 5 minutes after you guys laid down for a snooze. We've been playing with young Harold here."

"Heeeeey. It's just Harry Uncle Paddy, duh!" Harry said.

"Yeah," Remus lightly punched Sirius' shoulder. " _duh_ , Pads." Sirius smiled brightly at Remus and then picked Harry up.

"Hm Birthday Boy! You got a right mouth on ya don't ya!" He started spinning Harry again, while they were both laughing like mad men.

"Ok, Ok. Harry why don't you go put your party clothes on. Your friends will be getting here soon, love." Lily said.

"Ok, Mummy! Daddy, will you come with me? It can be a boy party!" James laughed. 

"Of course, big boy!" He lifted Harry up and they disappeared into Harry's room. 

"Need help setting anything up, Lil?" Sirius asked.

"Actually, could you guys get the table out for presents? It should be in the guest room."

"Of course, Lils." Remus said. 

.

As guests started arriving Remus had a thought. It's something he hadn't thought about in a while. _Why does it feel like someone's missing? Why does it feel like Peter should be here?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song in the beginning is We Used to be Friends by The Dandy Warhols.  
> Thanks for reading and let me know what you think! (: x


	3. breakaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’re not a couple. Why do people assume they are?

_Trying hard to reach out_   
_But when I tried to speak out_   
_Felt like no one could hear me_   
_Wanted to belong here_   
_But something felt so wrong here_   
_So I pray_   
_I could breakaway_

Sirius woke up early in the morning after Harry's birthday party and he felt hungover. He didn't drink that much so he knew he wasn't, it must have just been because of how late he and Remus stayed up talking. That was the thing with Remus and Sirius, they could talk for hours and hours and it never got boring. They never ran out of things to say. That's one of the things that Sirius loves about Remus.

He spent the night in the Potter's guest room, or as they had taken to calling it: Sirius' room. And so he got up to make breakfast for them. He made his way to the kitchen and he started up on the one thing he knew he could make without failing, scrambled eggs. 

“Padfoot? What are you doing?” James said as he walked in the kitchen, speaking through a yawn. “All you need is an apron and you’d look like a proper housewife.” He joked.

”Keep it up, Potter. Keep it up and I might drop your scrambled eggs on the ground.” Sirius said as he pretended to trip with a plate of eggs.

”Ok! Ok! I surrender. Please give me the eggs.” James said, laughing. Sirius set the plate down in front of him and then grabbed one for himself and sat across from James at the table. 

“I didn’t know you spent the night.” James said, as a bit of a question, while shoving eggs into his mouth.

“I didn’t plan it, but young Harold really kept me up late.” Sirius said. 

“Oh, so now you’re blaming my son. Real mature Padfoot. Blame the 5 year old instead of the 26 year old.”

“Hey, he’s mature for his age, I’m not.” 

“Good point.” James said, laughing.

“But, it really wasn’t Harry. Rem and I stayed up late talking. He left and then I just crashed in my room.”

“Ah. I see. That makes much more sense, considering I put Harry to bed at 9pm.” James laughed. “So what were you guys talking about?” James asked, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

“Just life stuff. I don’t know. I thought about telling him about my date last weekend, but I didn’t want to make it weird.”

“Your date that ended horribly because he was a giant prat? Why would you tell him that anyways?” James asked.

“I don’t know. That’s the kind of stuff you tell your mates, innit? I told you.”

“Please don’t compare our friendship to yours and Rem’s. Please. I don’t plan on falling in love with you anytime soon, Padfoot.” James said.

“Oh shut up, you know what I mean. I don’t know. It just, our relationship has always been a bit different hasn’t it? Even before we dated. I think a part of me always thought we’d get back together after the war shit. I don’t know, it’s silly.”

  
“It’s not silly. Are you kidding me? Remus is still in love with you, mate. That wasn’t a joke. When he looks at you I feel like I need to leave the room.”

“Shut it, James. Stop. He’s not in love with me. He’s been on dates since me.” Sirius said, sadly. 

“As have you, and you’re still in love with him.”

“I’m no- I’m not…just stop. I can’t. I don’t- think- just stop.” Sirius shoved the last of his eggs in his mouth and sat up to put it away.

“Relax Sirius, I’m sorry. I won’t say anything else, just chill out.” James said, standing up with him. As if on cue a rambunctious 5 year-old came running into the kitchen.

“Daddy! Paddy! Good morning!” James scooped Harry up in his arms and hugged him.

“Good morning my big 5 year-old son! How are you, baby? Did you have a good nights sleep?” James asked setting Harry down.

“Yes! Yes! Uncle Paddy and Uncle Moons played with me so much yesterday. Can I play with them again today?” Harry asked.

“Of course you can babe! Uncle Moony and I love playing with you. I’ll tell him to come over.” Sirius said to Harry. He looked at James. “Why don’t you and Lil take a day? Or take a weekend trip? You deserve it, and Moons and I can watch the Prongslet.” 

“Are you sure this isn’t a ruse to get alone time with Remus and also prevent him from going on a date this weekend?” James asked.

“What!? Remus is going on a date this weekend!?” 

“Nope, but I just wanted you to prove that you’re still into Remus, and you have. Thanks, that’s all. You go tell Rem and I’ll find Lil. She’ll be ecstatic!” James picked up Harry and said, “Let’s go wake up Mama and have a morning cuddle, yeah?” Harry smiled wide and nodded his head quickly as they disappeared into Lily and James’ room.

Sirius sighed and smiled. That’s what he wanted. He wanted a family, kids, a life more than what he has.  
  
.  
.  
.

  
Remus and Sirius were hanging out in James and Lily’s kitchen waiting for them to finish up their packing. Harry was taking a nap and so they were sitting alone in silence, but not awkward. It was never awkward with Remus.

“It was sweet of you to offer this for James and Lily.” Remus said. “We can alternate days with Harry if you want. You’ll probably get tired of me.” Remus joked.

“I could never get tired of you Remus, don’t be stupid. Plus, I already promised Harry he’d have the Moony and Padfoot package and you can’t go back on a deal.” Sirius said.

“No, you can’t. You’re quite right. It’ll be nice to spend some time together.” Remus said.

“So, we haven’t really talked about it…but Peter.”

“What about Peter?” Remus asked.

“What are we going to do if he’s released? Are we going to let him in our lives?” Sirius asked.

“Baby steps, Padfoot. We don’t even know if he will be released. And plus, I’m sure he’s not expecting a warm welcome home.” Remus responded. 

“You’re right. I just… I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. But, let’s drop it. This is a fun weekend! Moony, Padfoot and Prongslet take the world!” 

“Oh Merlin, this’ll be a whirlwind for sure.” Remus said, laughing. 

.  
.  
.

“Ok what do you want to do first Harry?” Remus asked after James and Lily had left.

“Let’s go to the park! We can play outside and we can invite Ron to play! Can I? Please!” Harry asked, using his strongest puppy dog eyes.

“Of course! Ron is a sweet kid. I’ll owl Molly and ask if Ron is around. For now, how about we play with some of your toys?” Remus said, walking to get some parchment. He sat down and wrote a quick note, asking Ron to come over and sent the owl. 

About 10 minutes later Molly returned the owl with a “Ron would love to! We’ll Floo in soon!” and Remus went and told Harry. “YES YES YES!” The five-year-old shouted and leaped into Sirius’ arms. “Ron is my bestest friend in the whole world, did you know that Uncle Pads?” 

“I did, Harry. I’m glad you have a bestest friend, love.” Sirius said. 

“Do you have a bestest friend Paddy?” Harry asked.

“I do! Your daddy, Uncle Moony, your mummy, Aunt Mary, and… and yeah they’re all my bestest friends.” Sirius said. He had almost said Peter. It began to make him sad because Peter would have been ‘Uncle Peter’ or ‘Uncle Wormy’ to Harry. 

“Woah… that’s so many. Do you think I’ll have that many one day?” 

“I know you will!” 

And just then Molly and Ron popped in from the Floo. “Hello dears!” Molly exclaimed. “Ron is just so excited to play with Harry, aren’t you Ronny?” She asked him.

“Yes! Hi Harry! Let’s go play!” Ron said, as he and Harry took off to his room. 

“Do you want to come with us to the park, Molly?” Remus asked, walking up next to Sirius.

“No, that’s quite alright. I actually am taking Ginny to go to the store. She loves doing that. It’s quite an adventure.” Molly joked.

“I don’t know how you and Arthur are both so lively.” Sirius said. “If I had even 1 kid I’d look like death for sure.” He joked.

“Oh, we just love them so much. And now we have all that sleep through the night! So, sleep is just fine now.” She said. 

“You’re a good mum, Molly.” Remus said. “We’ll bring Ron back home in a few hours.” 

“Do you all want to stay for dinner?” She asked.

“Oh, Molly. No, we don’t want to impose.” Sirius said.

“Oh, stop it. You’ll stay for dinner, that’s final. See you boys tonight! You’re just such a lovely couple, yes.” She said. Both Sirius and Remus turned red and froze.

“Molly, Sirius and I broke up years ago. We’re just friends now.” Remus said, awkwardly.

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry! I knew you broke up, I just assumed you got back together… my apologies! Please forgive me for assuming!” She exclaimed.

“It’s no problem Molly, really. A lot of people assume. We’ll see you for dinner tonight!” Sirius said, and Molly said one last goodbye and went in the Floo. Remus looked at Sirius and they locked eyes.

“Can you believe Molly thought we were a couple, ha ha.” Remus said.

“I know, probably just because we’re babysitting Harry together. I mean, nothing else. It’s not like… we act like a couple or anything.” Sirius said.

“No! Of course not. We just… we’re comfortable with each other!” 

“Exactly! And we-“ Just then two five-year-old boys came running in chanting “Park, park, park!” 

“Yes, boys! Let’s go to the park.” They grabbed their belongings and walked out the door. Luckily the park was just across the street so neither had to face the world with their questionable driving skills. 

While they were sitting on the park bench watching Harry and Ron climb throughout the jungle gym Sirius remembered something he wanted to tell Remus.

“Did I tell you Narcissa owled me?” He asked Remus.

“Narcissa… Malfoy?” Remus asked, flabbergasted.

“Well. Her maiden name is Black, she’s my cousin.”

“Well, yes. But Malfoy was a Death Eater.” Remus said. “It’s just a bit odd.”

“She owled me and said she left Lucious. She has a son named Draco who’s Harry’s age. She owled me asking if I would like to have dinner with her. She and Draco live with Andromeda now, along with Ted and Dora, of course. And all I can think is that… if Ted and Dromeda think she’s genuine… then I believe them. Plus, Dora is about 11 or 12 now and I don’t they’d ever put her in danger if they thought Narcissa wasn’t being honest.”

“Sirius, that’s… a lot. I mean, did you owl her back? Did you owl Ted and Dromeda?” Remus asked. 

“I did, and I talked to Molly. Her and Arthur are good friends with Ted and Dromeda so I figured she would know something. Molly said that Dromeda told her Narcissa has been a perfect house guest and that Draco is a little angel.”

“Do you want to meet up with her?” Remus asked.

“A bit. I mean, she’s my cousin. I know I have disowned myself from the Blacks… but…”

“She’s your family. You love Dromeda, Ted and Dora, they’re family too.” Remus said.

“Yeah. And, I feel bad for little Draco. He probably doesn’t have any friends. I will of course talk to James and Lil but I thought maybe Harry could meet him. I know Molly has had them all over, so Ron has met him. Molly said Ron and Draco really got along and played well. So, I’d imagine Harry and Draco would get along too.” 

“Talk to James and Lily and see what they say. I doubt that they’d have a problem with it, especially after what you just told me.” Remus said.

“Yeah. I will.” Ron and Harry ran up to Remus and Sirius and told them they were hungry.

“Well. Why don’t we go grab a bite to eat then, yeah? We can maybe get some ice cream after!” Remus said. The boys exclaimed happily and they all started walking down the road to find a place to grab lunch. 

“So, Mr. Ron, how do you like being a big brother to Ginny?” Sirius asked. 

“Ginny is so funny. She is so silly and she’s like really cool to play with!” Ron said. “But she’s a girl… girl’s are yucky aren’t they?” Ron asked.

“Well, to me they are. But not to everyone, like your daddy’s.” Sirius said, smirking.

“Yeah Uncle Paddy is gay. That means he likes boys and wants to kiss them.” Harry said. “Uncle Rem is called Bi, like ‘Bye-bye’ and he likes boys and girls!” 

“That’s cool! Hey Remus what’s your favorite color?” The conversation carried on and Sirius couldn’t help but feel a bit warmed by how little Ron cared. It just goes to show that homophobia isn’t born, no one is born to hate another person. That is taught, the same with racism and everything else like that. Most people are born full of love. 

They got to a little café and decided this would be a fun place to eat lunch. Afterwards they walked to the ice cream shop right by the park. Then back to the park where Harry and Ron played for a few more hours. When they were walking back to the Potter’s Sirius couldn’t help but think about his cousin. Should he trust her? Should he open that door that he closed so long ago? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed it! Song at the beginning is Breakaway, by Kelly Clarkson.


	4. just a little bit of your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an exciting event, and some exciting news. also, adulty type content. nothing crazy but just a warning!

_I don't ever tell you how I really feel_   
_'Cause I can't find the words to say what I mean_   
_And nothing's ever easy_   
_That's what they say_   
_I know I'm not your only_   
_But I'll still be a fool_   
_'Cause I'm a fool for you_

  
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea Padfoot.” James said. Sirius was a bit shocked. He thought he’d have to do a bit more convincing for them to want to go over to Dromeda and Ted’s for dinner with Narcissa.

“I-huh?” 

“Sirius, if you think this is something you want to do, we’ll support you. And, an innocent child is not something I’m afraid of. Plus, as you said, Molly said Ron loved Draco. I see no reason that Harry and Draco wouldn’t get along.” Lily said. 

“I think there’s been enough hatred in our lives to last a lifetime. We can start by spreading some kindness.” James added. 

“Well… brilliant then. I’ll owl Narcissa and tell her. Do you think she’d care if Remus came?” Sirius asked.

James and Lily shared a look between each other. “I doubt it.” James said, smirking lightly.

“Wipe that smirk away Potter. I just want him to come because I already told him about it and he’s one of my best mates. I want him there. As my mate. That’s it.”

James held his hands up. “I said nothing to indicate that you and Rem are more than friends, right Lil?”

“I seem to recall Sirius bringing up Remus in the first place, James.” Lily said.

“Oh, shove it.” Sirius walked off to get parchment to owl both Narcissa and Remus.

.  
.  
.

The night of the Black family dinner Sirius and Remus met at the Potter’s so they could all just apparate together. They apparated just across from their house. As they were walking up to the door Harry pulled on Sirius’ shirt.

“Hey Paddy? Do you think Draco will be one of my bestest friends?” Harry asked him. Sirius’ heart melted and he smiled.

“I don’t know, Harry. I hope so. You know how you have Ron and Neville as your bestest friends?” Sirius asked, Harry nodded. “Well, Draco doesn’t have any bestest friends. He has his mummy and Dromeda, Ted and Dora and that’s it. Just his family, which is very important too. Just promise me something, Prongslet.”

“What, Uncle Pads?”

“Just be extra nice to Draco, Ok? Even if he’s shy or quiet, or even a bit cold to you. Just be super extra nice. Because I don’t think he’s too used to people being nice.”

“I promise Paddy.” Lily knocked on the door and Ted answered. 

“Hello everyone” He greeted, enthusiastically. “Come in, come in.” He gestured for them to enter. 

“How ya doing, Ted.” James asked, holding out his hand to shake. 

“Oh, I’m doing just fine James. Just fine. How are you and the lovely Lily doing?” He asked, looking at Lily.

“We’re fine Ted, thank you for having us.” Lily said. 

“And hello to you Mr. Harry. You must be pretty old, 50?” Ted asked.

“No! I’m only 5 Mr. Ted!” Harry said, laughing.

“Oh man, I’m so silly. My mistake. Sirius, Remus how are you two?” Ted asked. 

“Good Ted, thanks. Is everyone in the living room?” Sirius asked.

“Yep, come on in.” Ted said, disappearing with James, Lily and harry into their living room. Sirius stopped and Remus came up next to him.

“You Ok, Pads?” Remus asked, softly. “Are you nervous?” 

“I’m… gods, I’m pathetic aren’t I? It’s my cousin and a child and I’m scared to see them.” Sirius said, letting his head fall into Remus’ chest.

“You’re not pathetic. Narcissa was a prat to you in your childhood. You have every right to be nervous. She’s part of the family that hurt you. Andromeda is too, but she’s always been like you, and stayed away from their darkness. I would be shitting bricks if I were you.” Remus said, holding Sirius in his arms.

“It’s just. It’s making me think of Reg… and my mother and father. But, if she’s changed. I can appreciate that.” Sirius said. He lifted his head up from Remus’ chest and grabbed his hand, pulling him with him into the dining room. 

“Hello cousin, Remus Lupin. How are you?” Narcissa said when Sirius and Remus sat down in the couch across from her.

“Narcissa, I’m doing Ok.” Sirius said. “Doing just fine, Narcissa.” Remus added. “It’s been a long time. How have you been since you’ve gotten here?” Sirius asked, very politely. 

“It’s been a tough adjustment, but Andromeda, Ted and Dora have been nothing but kind and welcoming to myself and Draco here.” She said, caressing Draco’s face with her hand.

“Don’t call me Dora, Aunt Cissy. It’s absolutely horrid.” Nymphodora said. 

“Well what would you like to be called then?” Her mother asked her.

“Anything but Dora.” The company laughed and then indulged in pleasant conversations all around. Sirius went up to Narcissa and Draco. 

“Hey there, little one. I’m Sirius. I’m your mummy’s cousin, so that means we’re cousins too!” Sirius said, kneeling down to talk to Draco face to face. Draco stared at him, then looked up at his mum. 

“It’s Ok Dragon. He’s our family.” Narcissa said in a soothing tone. Draco looked back at Sirius and tried to suppress a smile.

“Do you… like… dragons?” Draco asked, small.

“Dragons!? DO I? They are so awesome!” Sirius exclaimed. Draco smiled wide.

“Well guess what?”

“What?”

“Draco means dragon. So I am kinda like a dragon.” Draco said proudly. 

“Oh my gosh! That is so cool, I wish I was as awesome as that!” Sirius said. “Hey, do you want to meet my godson Harry?” Sirius asked him. Draco shyly looked up at his mum and asked “Can I, mum?”

“Of course, love.” She kissed the top of his head and Sirius took Draco’s hand and walked him over to Harry.

“Harry, this is Draco. Draco, this is Harry.” Draco looked at Harry and said, “You have pretty eyes.” Harry smiled wide and said, “Your hair is pretty. It’s like bright and cool. It looks like the moon and stars!” Harry exclaimed. They chatted for approximately 30 seconds until they decided they were friends. The two boys ran off, Draco wanted to show Harry the cool dragon stuffed animal he had.

“Draco is lovely Narcissa.” Lily said. “Harry absolutely loves making new friends.” 

“Harry is as well. It’s kind of you to let them play.” Narcissa replied.

“Why wouldn’t we?” James asked. 

“Well. It’s no secret you’re all famous in the Wizarding World. The Potter’s, Those Who Lived, The Family Who Lived. I suspect it’s why you all live in the Muggle World.” Narcissa said. 

“What does that have to do with Harry and Draco being friends?” Lily wondered out loud.

“It’s kind of you to feign confusion. But, Lucious was a Death Eater. I see no reason why you would want to associate with me.” 

“Were you a Death Eater?” Remus asked.

“No. I wasn’t. I never would have been, nor did I want to be.”

“Well, that’s that then.” James said. “I would never condemn someone because of the actions of another.” 

“Those were some big words, James.” Lily joked. “But, James is absolutely right Narcissa. I would never want someone to judge me based on what James has done. Heaven forbid that.” Lily said, trying to ease the tension a bit. Remus jumped in and said, “That would mean she wouldn’t get invited anywhere” Making a joke.

“You are kind souls.” Narcissa said.

“I do have a question though.” Sirius said. “And, it’s a bit personal.” He looked at James, Lily and Remus and then back at Narcissa. 

“Lil, Rem, why don’t we go help Dromeda with dinner?” James said, taking the hint.

“Good idea.” Lily said and they went to the kitchen. “Sirius, you’re Ok?” Remus asked.

“I’m good Moons.” Sirius said, smiling lightly. “Go on.” And Remus went to meet James and Lily in the kitchen.

“You two are a very beautiful couple, Sirius.” Narcissa said. 

“I-What?” Sirius questioned.

“You and Remus. You are very lovely together.” 

“But, I-You’re… I’m gay…” Sirius sputtered.

“Yes, it seems that way.” 

“You don’t care that I’m gay?” Sirius asked. “It’s the thing my parents hated most about me, I’m sure.” 

“I find that all rather trivial.” Narcissa said. “I couldn’t care less who someone wants to be with. The more concerning thing is his lycanthropy. But, I suppose he’s safe with it and I suppose you don’t mind, so.” Sirius’ mouth dropped open.

“You know that Remus is a werewolf?” Sirius asked, almost threateningly.

“Well, it’s not hard to guess I’m afraid. His scars and at school he was always randomly disappearing right around the full moon. Plus that horrid nickname you had given him.” She smiled lightly. “Of course, I will never say a thing. I’ve known for years.”

“Thank you... Also, we aren’t together. We used to be. We broke up though.” Sirius said, looking down. He didn’t really want to deny it to Narcissa, but he also didn’t want her to go around telling people that they were still together. Or worse, say something to Remus and have him know that Sirius didn’t stop her from believing that.

“Well, your hearts want to be together, that much is obvious. Anyway, what is your question, Sirius? I will answer anything.”

“Right…” He cleared his throat. “Well, you know as well as I do that our family was never one to support divorce. The same goes with all Pureblood families, I assume… so…”

“How did I manage to leave Lucious? Is that your question?”

“Well… yes. I just don’t see Lucious being Ok with it.” Sirius said.

“He wasn’t. Not at all. But, he does love Draco. In his own mad way he does. And so when I told him that the best thing for Draco would be for us to be separate from him… he agreed. He actually agreed with me. He’s not the strong man you’ve once seen fighting with The Dark- with… with You-Know-Who. He’s weak. He’s broken. He’s a disgrace of a man… the things he’s done. So, little fight was put up.” Narcissa explained.

“Narcissa, I’m truly sorry. It couldn’t have been easy. We both know the toxic environment the Black Families are.” Sirius took her hands. “You have me. As family. I will be a great friend to Draco as well.” Blacks know how to keep their composure, but Sirius could tell Narcissa was holding back tears.

“Thank you, Sirius. I need family, and so does Draco. He needs good male role models in his life.” 

“Well, he has me.” Said Sirius. “And James, I’m sure of it. Draco is welcome to play with Harry whenever.”

“Thank you so much. Your kindness is inspiring.” Just then Andromeda came into the living room and said “Dinner is ready. How’s everything out here?” 

“We’re coming, Dromeda. Everything’s good.” Sirius said. The evening continued on with pleasant conversations and discussions until it was much past Harry’s bedtime and the Potter’s excused themselves. 

“We should be heading out too Dromeda, Ted. Thanks so much for having us.” Sirius said. He went up to Narcissa. “Can I give you a hug?” She smiled and nodded.

“Notice how you spoke for Remus as Lily did for James. ‘We should be heading out too’. That’s what I meant earlier.” She winked and then went and continued to help Andromeda with the cleaning up.

“Ready?” Remus asked, walking up behind him and hugging his shoulders. Sirius turned around and smiled. “Ready. Let’s go.”

They went to the Floo and Remus said “Want to come to mine for a nightcap?” 

.  
.  
.

“No! That is not true! I never said that Lockhart was attractive! I said that _he_ thinks he’s attractive! Do not put words in my mouth! Especially words as gross as those.” Sirius said, taking a drink and laughing.

“You’re just embarrassed because fourth-year you had the hots for him!” Remus retorted. 

“Oh please. Fourth-year me only had the hots for one person. Hint hint he’s sitting beside me on the couch.” Sirius said, finishing his drink, and getting up to pour another.

“Yeah right.” Remus snorted. “You were still hooking up with other people.” He held his glass out to Sirius for more as well. Sirius poured more into Remus’ glass and then sat down beside him again.

“Only because I didn’t think you were into me! If I knew you had liked me that would have been it. I’m serious… no pun intended. You were everything to me. You still are.” Sirius blushed. _What the fuck are you doing_ , he thought to himself. He needs to slow down on the alcohol before he says something he’ll really regret.

Remus smiled brightly. “You’re everything to me too. It’s amazing that we can still talk this way, after all we’ve been through.” Remus said. “You were my first relationship… real relationship anyways. And, you really set the standards high. Maybe that’s why I can never keep a relationship.” He laughed.

“Like I can? I have had a string of utterly insane and pratty men.” Sirius said. Remus tensed a bit.

“How long is that string exactly…” He said, small.

“Er… I mean I… it’s just to fill the lonely nights Rem. They mean nothing.” Sirius said.

“No, I mean it’s fine. We’re not together. Just weird to think of me as being part of your string…” He said sadly.

“No!” Sirius practically yelled. Remus jumped. “Sorry… no. Absolutely not. You are not part of the string of men. You’re something else entirely. Every time we’ve had sex since our break up it wasn’t filling lonely nights… it was… it was…” He stopped himself before he said the word everything. He took a drink. “It was us. We’ve always been special, haven’t we?” Sirius said, looking down shyly. 

Remus lifted Sirius’ head up with his fingers. “Of course we have, Padfoot. I mean every time we have sex it’s… well… I mean it’s… good. Really good…” 

“Best you ever had?” Sirius asked.

“I mean… we’ve grown together. The first time… yikes…” Sirius laughed, remembering the messy first time they had sex. 

“Oh gods…” Sirius put his face in his hands. “In my defense… I had never had a cock up my arse before! It was a scary sensation… but… good.” He looked up at Remus again. “But, it was good. You are definitely my best partner. And fittest. For sure.” He said. Their faces were dangerously close. Close enough for Sirius to smell the bourbon on his breath and see the condensation at the very top of his lips.

“Why’d we stop hooking up again?” Remus asked, leaning in.

“Something about complicating our friendship… I think. I can’t quite remember now.” Sirius leaned in too.

“If we don’t let it get complicated, it won’t. Right?” 

“Right.” Their breaths were intertwined and Sirius wanted Remus to take him, more than anything he’d ever wanted before. “Remus?” Sirius asked.

“Yes?”

“Can you just… fuck me. Please?” He whined.

“Thank Godrick.” And Remus crushed his lips onto Sirius’. 

.  
.  
.

The next morning Sirius woke up to “Remus! Remus! Are you here!? I know you’re here, I’ll wait!” Remus shot up and Sirius did as well. Then, they looked at each other, remembering they had just had sex the night before. Sirius looked down and blushed. 

“Sirius… I… good morning.” Remus said, smiling.

“Morning, Rem. You fucked me real good last night didn’t you?” He asked, feigned casually. Remus’ eyes popped. 

“Gods! Sirius…” He laughed. “I did, didn’t I?” Remus kissed him and then they both remembered that they had been woken up by someone yelling for Remus and then realizing that someone sounded suspiciously like Lily. “Fuck” They said together. 

Remus hopped up and tried to find clothes that looked decent and then pulled some stuff for Sirius to wear (that was a bit too big on him… but, desperate times.) They walked out of Remus’ room and found Lily sitting on the couch.

“Hey Lil, what’s up?” Remus tried to say as casually as he could.

“Nothing… what’s up with you?” She said, with knowing eyes.

“Something has to be up, otherwise you wouldn’t have popped into my home unannounced.”

“Well, I have something I want to tell you. James and Harry went to Sirius’ to bring him here… but I’m guessing they wont find Sirius at home.” Lily said, smirking.

“Sirius spent the night. We got a bit drunk last night.” 

“Is that why someone’s pants are on the couch?” Lily asked.

“What! Where?” Remus said.

“Nowhere, but I got the answer I needed.” She said smugly.

“You bitch.” Remus said. “Fine… we hooked up. Not important. He’s in the bathroom… what’s up?” 

“I’m just waiting for-“ As if cued James popped in the Floo. “For my boys. Hey, loves.” Lily said.

“Hey Moons. Is Pads here? He’s not at his flat.” James said, holding Harry. Harry plopped down and ran to hug Remus. “Hi Uncle Moony! We need to talk to you and Uncle Paddy it’s super important!” Harry said. Remus lifted him up in his arms and opened his mouth to talk, but Lily cut him off.

“Sirius is in the bathroom. He spent the night.” Lily said.

“Oh yeah?” James said smirking.

As if Lily summoned people, Sirius walked into the room. “No fair! I want to have a sleepover with you and Uncle Padfoot!” Harry said, pouting. Sirius cleared his throat. “Uh… another time, Prongslet… I’m sure.” Remus put Harry down so that Sirius could pick him up. 

“Hello… it’s a party in here isn’t it?” Sirius said.

“Questionable sleepover aside… Lily, Harry and I have something to tell you. Harry, take it away.” James said. 

“Mummy has a baby in her belly!” Harry exclaimed. Remus and Sirius looked at each other and then to the Potters.

“What!?” Remus said.

“I’m pregnant.” Lily said, tearing up. 

“My baby’s having another baby!” James yelled. Sirius and Remus broke out in exclamations of happiness and they came together in a group hug. 

“How far along are you?” Remus asked, once everyone calmed down a bit. 

“I’m three months.” Lily said. “I should have realized sooner, but I just thought I was stress eating and gaining weight from that. Then, I realized I missed my time of the month and I figured I was probably pregnant, so I went to the doctor.” Lily said. 

“Plus, we weren’t really trying. I mean… we weren’t not trying… but it was a surprise.” James said.

“And now I’m going to be a big brother!” Harry yelled.

“Yes you are Prongslet! What am I going to call your little sister or brother?” Sirius asked. “Prongsletta? Prongs 3.0?” 

“Let’s let James and Lily name their child before we initiate them into the Maurarders officially.” Remus said, laughing. 

“Congratulations. I can’t think of any two people who deserve it more than the two of you.” Sirius said, getting emotional. 

“Stop it Padfoot. We’re not crying. Let’s go out and celebrate. Dinner tonight? I’ll invite Mary and Alice, Frank, Molly, Arthur, Dromeda, Ted, Narcissa! Everyone!” Lily shouted.

“If Narcissa is coming does that mean Draco will come? Because I want Draco to meet Neville and Ron so we can all be bestest friends!” Harry said.

“I’m sure he will be coming Harry.” Remus said. “Let’s send out the Owls.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song at the beginning is just a little bit of your heart by ariana grande


	5. what i wouldn’t give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter’s trial

_Now I'm twenty five and I'm drinking wine with my wife at home_   
_Got a couple of dogs and a couple of songs on the radio_   
_And we sit around and we laugh about how we used to be_   
_When all we cared about was turning sixteen_

“To James, Lily, Harry and their new family member!” Sirius said, raising his glass in the air. “Here here!” 

“Here here!” Everyone chanted back at him. “I just want to say that James is kinda like my dad too. I don’t mean in age, I mean in heart. He took me in when I was a kid who came from a fucked up family… and he never stopped trying to help me be a better person. And then, from the moment Lily came into my life, she never stopped supporting me. My point is, even before little Prongslet was born, I already knew James and Lil would be amazing parents. I love you two so much.” Sirius said. “Salute!” Again, everyone raised their glasses and repeated. Sirius sat back down and Remus put his hand on his back.

“You Ok?” He asked Sirius.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” 

“That was just a very emotional speech, Pads.” Remus said.

“Yeah, I know. I can’t help it. I love those sons of bitches so much.” Remus smiled at him. 

“Yeah, me too.” Harry came over and plopped himself on Sirius’ lap. 

“Hey Uncle Paddy. Draco is now bestest friends with Neville and Ron too. We’re all bestest friends now!” Harry said, excitedly.

“What! That’s so awesome Harry!” Sirius hugged him. “You’re the best person I know.” 

“I love you, Paddy.” Harry said, getting up from his lap. He went to go find his friends again. 

“You’ll be an amazing dad some day, Sirius.” Remus said.

“You think?” He asked.

“Definitely. The way you are with Harry? It warms my heart. You’re so good with him.”

“You’ll be an excellent father too, Rem. I know this because while James was a dad to me growing up, you were too. Maybe even worse than James.” Sirius said, laughing. “I swear you’d always be on James and I about our pranks, even though you masterminded them most of the time! And then the time when Pete!-“ Sirius stopped abruptly. 

“It’s Ok to talk about Peter, Pads. He was our friend.” Remus said.

“Have you ever visited him there?” Sirius asked, suddenly.

“In Azkaban, you mean?” 

“Yeah.”

“No, I… I haven’t… have you?” Remus asked, worriedly.

“No, of course not. I was too afraid.”

“Of Peter?” 

“Of… of feeling bad for him. Of seeing the place he’s in and feeling bad…”

“I get that. He sold James and Lily out though, Pads. he deserved it.” Remus said, gripping his hand.

“Did he deserve it? I mean, what he did was terrible. Horrible. But… I mean… did he deserve to rot in Azkaban? With dementors sucking the life out of you? With Death Eaters who murdered innocent people? I just…” 

“I don’t know, Pads. I mean. He’s guilty. It’s not like he was wrongly accused and never got a trial and then stuck in Azkaban for 13 years. He confessed. But, I get what you mean. That’s why it’s important that we go to the trial. We need to see for ourselves.” Remus said.

“I know. And I’m fine with going… I’m just concerned. I’m scared for James and Lily to be honest.” Sirius said.

“What? Why?” 

“Because of how good of people they are. What if they forgive Peter and then he betrays them again?” Sirius asked.

“Pads… even if they do forgive Peter… I doubt they’d fully let them back in their lives, at least not right away.” Remus explained.

“No, I know. But, if they forgive him and I don’t… isn’t that just like… pathetic. I mean they’re the ones he almost got killed. They’re the ones he betrayed.”

“No, he betrayed all of us Sirius. He betrayed everyone on our side, not just James and Lily.” Remus grabbed his hand. “Hey, why don’t we do this one step at a time, Ok? Together.” Sirius looked up at him. He grasped his hand back.

“You’re right. Plus, we’re celebrating tonight!” He exclaimed.

“Exactly. Maybe we shouldn’t celebrate too hard though. Don’t want a repeat of last night.” Remus said. Sirius’ heart sunk.

“Wha-what? You…” He cut himself off. Did Remus regret having sex last night?

“Pads, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant getting shitfaced. Plus, if we do have sex again tonight… which I’m not saying we’re going to… but if we do I don’t want to be drunk.” Remus smiled, teetering on the edge of a smile and a smirk. Sirius blushed and smiled.

“Oh… Ok. I agree.” He said. James came up to them. “Moons, my boy, can I borrow Padfoot for just one moment please?” James said, in a childish tone. Remus laughed.

“He’s all yours Prongs. I’m going to go chat with your wife.” Remus stood up and walked over to where Lily was, chatting with Molly and Narcissa. 

“What’s up Prongs?” Sirius asked.

“Just want to take a shot with my best mate, what’s so wrong with that?” James said, suspiciously innocent. 

“Ok… let’s take a shot then.” Sirius said, taking the shot glass from James’ hand. They took the shot and then James sat down next to him.

“So, what happened with Remus last night?” James asked.

“Aha! I knew there was a double meaning to that shot.” Sirius said.

“I just want to know what led up to you and Remus having a sleepover.” James said.

“I… we had sex. No biggie.” Sirius said, taking a drink. 

“Uh… no. It would be no biggie if you had sex with literally anyone else other than Remus.” 

“So if I had sex with Dumbledore that wouldn’t shock you a bit?” Sirius said, standing up to go get another drink from the bar.

“Uh uh. No. Don’t change the subject and run away!” James said, following closely behind.

“I’m not running, I am calmly walking to the bar so I can get more alcohol.” Sirius said. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… sure. You have to tell me. I’m your best friend, it’s the rules of friendship.” James said.

“Because you tell me every time you have sex with Lily?” Sirius asked.

“I used to, before we were married! She’s my wife, it’s different. Shut up.” James said, laughing. “C’mon. Walk me through it.” 

“There’s nothing to walk through, James.” It was his turn to order. “Just a beer, any beer is fine.” Sirius said to the bartender. The bartender looked up at Sirius and then his demeanor immediately changed. 

“Ok, gorgeous.” The bartender said. “Can I get your number too?” Sirius smiled politely. 

“Er… I’m sorry. I’m not… I mean…” James cut of his stammering.

“He’s seeing someone. Sorry. So, just the beer, actually make it two.” The bartender rolled his eyes a bit and then got the beers for them. They were walking away from the bar and James sighed.

“Look, Pads. I’m not saying that you can’t hook up with Remus. But why couldn’t you give that cute bartender your number? I mean… you’re not exclusive with Remus, you guys are just hooking up or whatever.” James said. 

“I… know. I know, Ok James. Let’s just enjoy the night, yeah?” Sirius sat back down in his seat, James sighed and walked over to Lily and Narcissa came over next to Sirius.

“It was lovely for James and Lily to invite myself and Draco.” She said to him.

“They really enjoyed talking to you last night. It was a fun time.” Sirius said, smiling.

“I’m astounded. Draco couldn’t stop taking about Harry all day. He adores him.” Narcissa said, beaming.

“Harry loved Draco just as much. I can tell they’re going to be great friends.” Remus walked over to them. 

“Narcissa, hello. How are you?” Remus asked her.

“Very good, Remus. And yourself?” 

“Can’t complain. Could I borrow Sirius, please?” Narcissa nodded and Remus grabbed Sirius’ arm and stood him up. “Follow me.” He said. They walked out into the hallway. 

“What’s up Rem-“ Sirius was cut off by Remus kissing him, hard. They kissed for a few seconds before Sirius pulled away and put his hands on Remus’ cheeks.

“What was that for?” Sirius asked, smiling.

“You just looked so fucking good, I couldn’t resist. Can we… do you wanna get out of here?” Remus said, hands wandering down Sirius’ torso.

“Always…” They apparated to Remus’ apartment. 

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Sirius woke up before Remus the next morning and wandered into the kitchen to make something to eat. He couldn’t help but think to the night before, why James was so hellbent on getting him to talk about Remus. So what if they’re hooking up, it’s good. It’s nice, they’re friends… they can totally have an adult friendship… with benefits. Just then, an owl tapped on the window. Sirius went to get the letter.

_Remus, I’m assuming Sirius is with you. Hope you haven’t forgotten that Peter’s trial is this afternoon. Xo, Lily._

Shit. Sirius almost did forget, he was so caught up about what was going on with Remus that it almost slipped his mind completely. 

“So, reading my mail now, huh?” Remus said, walking into the living room. He was smiling and had only an oversized jumper and boxers on. He looked so adorable… but also completely sexy. 

“Well, lucky me that it was for both of us.” Sirius said walking up to him. He took Remus in his arms and Remus kissed him tenderly.

“Who was it from?” Remus asked when they came up for air.

“Lily, reminding us that Peter’s trial is this afternoon.”

“Fuck. I almost forgot. Good thing she reminded us.” Remus said, taking Sirius’ hand and walking him over to the couch. They sat down and Remus intertwined their fingers. “How are you feeling about it all?” He asked Sirius.

“I’m… I just want to be there for James and Lily. I… I’m going to go and sit next to you so that you can pinch me if I start to want to say something.” Sirius smiled weakly. Remus put his arm around him.

“You’ve got this. I’ll be there the whole time. We’ll do it together.” 

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“All rise for the Honorable Chief and Minister for Magic, Millicent Bagnold.” Remus had Sirius’ hand gripped tightly and on the other side of him were James and Lily. “You may be seated. The Wizengamot holds the trial for former Death Eater, Peter Pettigrew.”

Lily looked over to them and said, “It’s weird to hear him announced as ‘former Death Eater’. I mean he wasn’t really one… right?” She asked them.

“I think they just consider anyone who associated with Voldemort a ‘Death Eater’. Still… it’s quite the title to throw around.” James said.

“He never… got the Dark Mark… did he?” Sirius asked.

“I guess we’ll find out.” Remus answered. Just then Peter was escorted in by two guards, with Dumbledore following closely behind. Peter looked worn, he looked like he’d aged about 10 years. He had a long scruffy beard and long hair. The once chubby fun loving person they knew, was gone. He was all skin and bones, he looked as though he’d withered away in Azkaban. 

“Holy shit… he looks…” James started, but couldn’t get out what he was trying to say.

“I know…” Lily said. “He doesn’t look like Pete at all…”

“Azkaban changes people… he’s probably not the same person he was when he got in there.” Remus said. 

“Dumbledore, start with his case please.” The Minister said. 

“Thank you, Minister. Hello all. As you know I am the Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I knew Mr. Pettigrew in his youth and in his early adulthood. I knew him to be an honorable person, if not a bit of a troublemaker with his Hogwarts mates.” At that, it was as if Dumbledore had looked directly at the lot. As if, he knew where they would be seated. They all looked down and just took deep breaths. This was a lot harder than they ever imagined. Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand hard, just for something to stabilize him.

“If everyone were to be persecuted for mistakes they had made in fear, or mistakes in their youth… well, I think quite a few of us would be in Azkaban as well… myself included. I will leave you with that thought, and open it for questions for Mr. Pettigrew.” Dumbledore went and stood behind where Peter was seated. The lawyer for the Ministry approached them.

“Mr. Pettigrew, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?” The lawyer asked him.

“I do.” Peter said. His voice didn’t fit his appearance. It still sounded like the boy they all once knew.

“Mr. Pettigrew, would you like to make your statements with truth serum for your own benefit?” He asked him.

“Sure. I’ve got nothing to hide.” He didn’t say it in a condescending way, just honest. The lawyer handed Peter the Veritaserum and he drank it.

“So, Mr. Pettigrew. Were you in cahoots with Voldemort from the beginning?” The lawyer asked.

“No.” Peter said simply.

“Care to elaborate?” The lawyer asked.

“In what way would you like me to do so, Sir? I wasn’t working with Voldemort at all. He blackmailed me. He tricked me, as he did so many others.”

“He tricked you? How? Into selling out Lily and James Potter, and their son, Harry?” 

“I thought… I thought that I was helping James, Lily, Sirius, Remus… all my friends… from school. He told me that if I didn’t tell him where the Potter’s were… that he would kill Sirius first, then Remus. And so, I gave him a false location. But, he went and found out I lied…I guess he figured I could still be of use to him, which is why he didn’t kill me right then and there… but he threatened to kill my mother and father. I… He would have killed my mother… and so I told him that I would help him.” Peter said, his eyes were welling up with tears. 

“Help him how?” The lawyer asked.

“I agreed… to work with him… If he spared my mother and my friends lives. He agreed… but of course ended up betraying our agreement. He tortured… he tortured me and … I gave them James and Lily’s address. But… after Voldemort left my home… I owled James and Lily to get out… that he was coming… but it was too late… or maybe the owl never made it… because I also sent an owl to Remus Lupin and to Sirius Black and one to Marlene and Mary Mckinnen-MacDonald. A very simple letter that I copied four times, _Get Prongs and L out. Voldemort is coming_. Sorry, sir. Prongs is a nickname we used for James Potter when we were in school… when… er… when he was my mate.” Peter added quickly at the end of this story, as the lawyer seemed confused about the owl Peter sent.

“I… very well.” The lawyer said. “I- I have no further questions.” He turned around and returned to his chair up near the Minister.

“Dumbledore, would you like to counter?” Asked the Minister. Dumbledore simply moved back in front of the jury and the people gathered. 

“I would like to raise a simple question to the members of the jury, to the guests here.” He said, eyeing James, Lily, Remus and Sirius. “Have you ever made a mistake that has harmed someone that you love? Have you ever done something to protect someone? That is what Mr. Pettigrew did. He thought he was doing the right thing. I think that in war, everyone can struggle to do what is right, and everyone would do anything to see that their loved ones are safe.” With that, Dumbledore walked over to the Minister.

“That is all I have to say, Minister.” He said calmly. “I should see to it that The Potters, Black and Lupin are escorted out and brought to my office once the outcome is announced, please?” Dumbledore asked her. She simply nodded. 

“We will let the jury discuss and then come back with their word, whether Mr. Pettigrew will continue his life sentence in Azkaban or if he will be released.” She banged her gavel and the jury calmly walked out of the room in an orderly fashion, most likely off to a room to discuss. After about an hour the jury came back in and the Minister banged the gavel for order in the room. 

“Have you come to a decision?” The Minister asked the head juror.

“We have, Your Honor. We have decided that Mr. Pettigrew be dropped of all charges and released from Azkaban immediately.” There were murmured whispers all around the room, but the four friends sitting together had no idea how to feel. Lily did a sort of choked sob into James’ shoulder and he put his arm around her, comforting her. Sirius just gripped Remus’ hand in an even harder grip, which he didn’t think was even possible based on how tight he’d been holding Remus’ hand the whole time. 

After a few minutes had passed, and the friends had made no move to leave, seemingly frozen in place, two guards came up to them. 

“Potters, Black and Lupin?” The guards asked.

“Er… yes?” James said, dumbly. 

“Dumbledore would like to see you at Hogwarts, He asked the Minister to have 2 guards accompany you… as well… I’m sure you’re aware it’s a bit tricky to go anywhere… you’re quite the famous group.” The four just looked at each other and walked to the bottom of the room with the guards. They apparated just outside of Hogwarts and the guards escorted them up to Dumbledore’s office. 

“Thank you, we’ll be fine from here.” Lily said kindly. The guards nodded and retreated through the castle. There was a weird looming presence hanging in the air, almost like the kind of feeling after you’ve attended a funeral. 

“Lemon Drops.” Remus said, and the door and spiral staircase opened up, they made there way up. Sirius couldn’t help but think about Peter. _Would they ever be able to be friends with him again? Did he even want to be?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song at the beginning is “Sixteen” By Thomas Rhett.


	6. best laid plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> events happen with peter and we find out what gender new baby potter is :)

_It seems to me some fine friends have watched you turn your back_   
_It seems you only want the things that you can't have._   
_Tell me why all the best laid plans_   
_Fall apart in your hands_   
_And my good intentions never end,_   
_The way I meant_

“Take a seat, please.” Said Dumbledore, calmly. “I would like to hear what you’re all thinking.” One of the things that annoyed Sirius the most about Dumbledore is that he never showed his emotions, he couldn’t tell whether he was happy, confused or even sad because he never let his face quiver for even a moment.

“Confused, really.” Lily said, slight tremor to her voice. “I guess I don’t really know how I feel.”

“That’s to be expected, Miss Ev-Miss Potter. My apologies. Sometimes it’s hard to believe you’re all so grown up… married.” He did a slight chuckle. “It’s expected that you’d be a bit confused in your feelings.”

“I think, more than anything, I feel… bad. Maybe if we’d have paid more attention to Peter… we would have seen that he was struggling.” James said.

“No!” Sirius said. “No, I refuse to fall into blame. I refuse to feel bad. Voldemort was a piece of shit, he tortured plenty of people, he killed them… he almost killed you two and Harry because of Peter! I agree, I feel bad, but not that we didn’t see, that he went to Azkaban for years… because it’s a bad place… but we cannot blame ourselves for what Peter chose to do.” Sirius didn’t even realize he was shaking until Remus put a hand on his shoulder and leveled him.

“I agree, Mr. Black. I agree that none of you fall blame to another’s actions. Peter chose his own path, but I urge you to think about him. You knew he was brave, but timid. You knew he was fairly smart, but easily outwitted. You knew that he was your friend, but that he was scared of failing you all.” Dumbledore paused, he looked at all of them intently. “I do not think that you should easily let Mr. Pettigrew back into your lives, but I do think you should consider spending time with him, as he now has no one to turn to. His family is dead and he now has no friends.”

Remus, Sirius, Lily and James all looked at each other. Sirius had no words to say, he couldn’t formulate them, but Lily was the one to speak anyway. “We’ll look after him, Albus.” She said.

“We will?” Asked Remus.

“We will.” She answered simply. “Harry is with a sitter, Albus. I’d rather get going if it’s all the same to you.” She said.

James, Sirius and Remus looked at her oddly, but said their goodbyes to Dumbledore and descended down the spiral staircase into the halls of Hogwarts. Lily sat onto the floor with her face in her hands and James went down onto his knees and put his hand comforting on her back.

“Lily, it’s Ok, love. I mean… Peter will be fine, yeah?” James looked up to Remus and Sirius for help. They both went down to their knees and answered with “Yeah” and “Yes, of course.” Lily lifted her head up and they saw that she wasn’t crying like they had thought, she was laughing. She was laughing so hard that there were tears in her eyes.

“I-Lily? You’re laughing!?” Sirius asked, shocked.

“I’m sorry!” She said sputtering in between her laughs. “I-I just… can you believe this is our life!?” She exclaimed, still snickering loudly. James, Sirius and Remus all gave each other looks of confusion before they all three began as well. Before they knew it, they were all erupting with loud laughter sitting on the floor in a random hallway of Hogwarts. After a few minutes they all calmed down and looked around at each other.

“ _Can_ you believe this is our life, though?” James asked. “I sometimes can’t.”

“So, what are we going to do?” Sirius asked.

“As long as we do it together, we’ll be fine. We’ll stick together, right?” Lily asked, looking at all of them and grasping James’ hand.

“Until the very end.” James said.

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“Paddy, Moony can we have a play date soon!?” Harry asked, excitedly as the babysitter was leaving. “I really want to go to the park again! We can invite Ron and Neville and Draco!” He said, practically beaming.

“Of course, Prongslet. Uncle Moony and I would be honored, wouldn’t we Moons?” Sirius said, looking up at Remus.

“Oh, of course, Little One. I love spending time with you and Padfoot.” Remus said. He said it so easily, so earnestly, that Sirius let himself think—just for a moment- that Remus was his – actually his. He looked at him with such adoration that he was surprised Remus couldn’t read his mind and tell that Sirius was still in love with him.

“Ok, Mister.” Lily started, picking Harry up. “Do you want to have some… ice cream?” She said, smiling lightly. Harry gasped.

“Before dinner!?” Harry asked, shocked.

“Yeah, I’m feeling spontaneous today.” Lily said.

“I don’t think I know what that means, Mummy. But, if it gets me ice cream before dinner, I hope you feel ‘spontenus’ every day!” He exclaimed and Lily brought him to the kitchen.

“Hey, Rem?” Lily asked. “The jimmies are on the very top and I don’t want my kid getting crushed.” Lily joked.

“What!?” Harry yelled. “The baby can get crushed by you climbing up there?” He asked. They all laughed.

“No, love. Mum was just kidding.” James yelled from the living room. Remus, still laughing, walked in to help Lily prepare Harry’s ice cream.

“Wanna go drink a beer on the balcony?” James asked Sirius. Sirius smiled.

“Sounds brilliant.” He answered. James fetched them two beers and Sirius took his seat out on their balcony. The view wasn’t the best in the world, but it was very pretty… nice and peaceful. James sat next to him and handed him the opened beer.

“Cheers, mate.” Sirius said taking a drink.

“What do you think we should do about Peter?” James asked, after sitting silently for a while.

“I don’t know, James. I… I can’t decide how to feel. Am I pissed, sad, upset, betrayed? I can’t tell. My brain keeps switching it on me.” Sirius said, looking down at the condensation dripping form the bottle in his hand.

“Yeah, I’m feeling the same. I think it would be easier if we knew Peter was always some malicious bastard… but we all know that Peter has good in him, we’ve seen it. I mean… you don’t study for months on how to illegally become and animagus to help your friend not tear himself to shreds… unless there’s… unless you care…” James’ sentence wandered off without a sound finish.

“Maybe we can talk to Dumbledore about it… about how he thinks we should… what we should do, you know? Let’s give it some time.” Sirius answered.

“Boys! Ice cream is ready!” Harry yelled out to them. The two men smiled and finished the rest of their beer and joined their family in the kitchen.

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“Do you think there will be an issue?” Dumbledore asked, Not Looking At Sirius. He figured he should be the one to answer.

“Of course there’s a problem. Obviously, we’re not friends with Peter right now… but we all want to see him and I promise I won’t hex him… or harm him in any other way, Ok?” Sirius said, tightly grabbing Remus’ hand.

“I trust you, Sirius.” Remus said it so earnestly that Sirius wondered what he did to deserve that kind of trust. He looked at Remus and he would swear that the sun shone right behind his head because there is no plausible way that Remus could be so bright otherwise. Sirius smiled at him.

“Me too Pads. I know you wouldn’t.” James said, smiling softly at him.

“Very well.” Dumbledore started. “I will arrange a meeting here in my office. I won’t intrude, but this is perhaps the most common room between the five of you. It may not be for a few weeks.”

They gathered themselves and went back to James and Lily’s to relive the babysitter. They sat around in the living room in an awkward silence. What was there to say? How awkward it’s going to be to see Peter again? To talk to him and hear his voice after so long…

“What are we going to say?” James asked quietly, scared to break this uncomfortable silence.

“I think we should just be honest with him.” Lily said.

“Ok… so honestly… what are we all feeling?” Remus asked.

“I think we start upfront. Clearly we don’t just automatically forgive him, and we might never. But, we wanted to give him this opportunity to talk and we would honestly hear him out.” Lily said.

“I think that sounds sensible.” Remus said. “ Pads, Prongs?”

“Ok. I- that sounds Ok.” Sirius said.

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“You know, Draco, that’s a great question. Moony, why don’t you take it away.” Draco had asked exactly how a telephone worked, and while Sirius is understanding Muggle things much better than before… he still had little to no clue about much.

Remus laughed. “Well, when you think about it, it’s a bit like magic ‘innit?” He started. “You pick it up and you can dial any number in the world… there might not be an answer though.” Draco, Ron, Neville and Harry looked at him like he was a genius, Sirius thought it made Remus feel a bit special.

“Professor Lupin, I have a question too.” Sirius said, smirking.

“You… behave, Mr. Black.” Remus responded, blushing slightly.

“Professor Lupin? You teach at Hogwarts, Mr. Moony?” Ron asked.

“Yes! He teaches Dedent again the Dark Arts!” Harry exclaimed. Sirius and Remus laughed.

“It’s ‘Defense Against’, love.” Remus corrected. “But, yes Ron. I do teach there.”

“You’ll get him as a teacher when you are all old enough to go to Hogwarts.” Sirius told the boys.

“How many is that, Uncle Paddy?” Harry asked.“Well you boys are 5 now… so how many more years until you’re 11?” Remus asked, crouching down to get on their eye level. They conferred for a moment before Neville answered.

“6 years, Mr. Moony!” He said.

“Good job! And please don’t call me Mr. Moony, just Moony or Remus is perfectly fine.” He said, smiling brightly and standing back up. Sirius looked at him with bright eyes. He was so amazing with kids, and he remembers he and Remus talking about kids when they were dating. Of course, they were still kids themselves, practically… but it was still a nice thought. He’d be an excellent father.

“What?” Remus asked, breaking Sirius from this his thoughts.

“Oh… I… nothing.” He laughed it off. “Just thinking that you’re going to make an amazing dad some day.”

“Oh…” Remus blushed. “Well… thanks, Pads. So are you.” They smiled at each other… it felt like a moment that he didn’t want to break, but of course there are four 5-year-olds in front of them.

“Uh… Paddy… Moons? What are you looking at each other like that for?” Harry asked. They blushed and looked away from the other.

“Well lads, let’s get ice cream!” Sirius said. “Then it’ll be time to head home.” He looked back at Remus and he was already walking with Neville, Ron and Draco, who asked him another question about something Muggle. Harry looked up at him with wondering eyes.

“What’s wrong Paddy?” Harry asked him.

“It’s hard to explain, Prongslet. I’ll tell you when you’re older.” Sirius answered, ruffling his hair. “Now, let’s catch up with our mates, yeah?”

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“Stop pacing Padfoot, you’re driving me crazy!” James said, snapping a bit.

“Sorry! I’m just nervous. I pace when I’m nervous.”

“Yes, we all know.”

“Well it’s better than doing something destructive.”

“Is it? Because honestly I’d rather you-.”

“Shut up! Both of you! Honestly, you’re snapping at each other like children. We’re all nervous, we’re on edge. Just shut up because I’m pregnant and moody and I’m having to be the sensible one! As always!” Lily quipped.

“Wait… shh… do you guys hear-?” Remus was cut off by the door to Dumbledore’s office opening. They all sat down in their respective seats and tried to act as naturally as they could. Dumbledore walked in and following closely behind was Peter Pettigrew, a man they hadn’t spoken to in five years, who betrayed them… who used to be their best friend.

“I’ll leave the five of you to it.” Dumbledore said, and promptly left. Peter sat down in the fifth seat that was across from the other four.

“It was kind of you all to meet me here.” Peter said, meekly. “I’m-I’ve had so much to say for so long but now that I’m here it’s as if I forget everything.” He still looked like the broken shell of a man they had seen so briefly at the trial. He had a little more substance to him but not much. The bright energy that seemed to follow him wherever he went while they were in Hogwarts was completely gone.

“I didn’t want to be let out.” Peter continued, as no one else had spoken yet. Sirius looked up from Remus’ hand intertwined with his.

“Why?” Sirius asked. Lily, James and Remus looked over, presumably in a bit of surprise that it was Sirius who said the first word. “We heard your side of the story at the trial. Why would you want to stay locked up in Azkaban?” Peter squirmed and looked down.

“Not so much a want.” He said quietly. “More like a debt. I- I don’t take what happened lightly… I think about it every single day. Every day since it happened I feel so much shame… that… that you all almost died. That Harry… oh- Harry.” Peter smiled. “He just had a birthday didn’t he? What is he now, five?”

Lily smiled. “Yes. He’s five. And we’re all alive, Peter.”

“Look Peter… I’m not going to lie to you… it’s shitty. It was a shitty thing. But you had a lose-lose situation thrown at you. Either give us up, or your mum dies. And either way it wasn’t going to end well for you.” James said, taking the lead on all they had spoken about the last few weeks. “Were we hurt, sad, confused? Yes. It was confusing and it was much easier to be angry than to try and understand how badly you must have been hurt to give us up.”

Peter looked down, willing himself not to cry. “I don’t expect a full acceptance of my apology.” He started. “I know that it was awful… I know that you lot almost died.”

“It’s just going to take some time I think, Peter.” Remus said. “I don’t think any of us expected instantaneous reconciliation. But, with time? Perhaps.” Peter looked up and smiled.

“Er… Would I… Would it be… crazy to ask if I… could meet Harry?” James and Lily looked at each other and gave small matching smiles.

“Of course you can meet Harry.” James said. “Besides you’ve already met him. But, he’s even more amazing now if you can believe it.”

“And… I’m pregnant.” Lily added. “About 4 months.” Peter smiled brightly, a genuine smile that brought back some of the old Peter in him.

“Oh! That’s just… that’s so amazing. I’m so happy for you both.” Peter said. “If anyone deserves it, it’s the two of you!”

“Thank you, Peter.” Lily said kindly.

“Do you know what you’re having yet?” He asked them.

“No. We’re… um… we’re actually finding out later today… we have a Muggle doctor’s appointment…” James said.

“Oh… Muggle…?” Peter asked.

“They live in a Muggle community now.” Remus answered, Sirius still gripping tightly to his hand. “The house in Godric’s Hollow is a sort of… it’s a museum of sorts since…”

“Oh… that’s… well, I’m sorry to hear that.” Peter said, earnestly. “Surely you could still go to St. Mungo’s, no?”

“Oh, yes. We still partake in the Wizarding World… it just seemed easier. The doctor is right up the road.” Lily answered.

“Plus, we’re kind of famous.” James said, trying to make light of the situation. “Being a celebrity can be hard work.” They all laughed, even Peter.

“We actually are having a bit of a… celebration, I suppose.” Lily started. “When we find out the gender, we’re going to have a little party. Mainly for Harry, he’s so excited to be a big brother.” She looked at the others and they all shared a knowing look, a look saying _invite him, it’ll mean so much to him_. “Would you like to come?” She asked, finally.

“Oh… I… really?” Peter asked, genuinely surprised by the invitation.

“Yes. It’s going to be tonight, at our place. We can give you the Floo information.” James said.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Peter said, and they could all tell he meant it.

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“You don’t know!?” Mary asked them, a bit surprised. “I would have thought you’d be the first to know.”

“Well, they wanted to do a whole big thing. Tell everyone all together, I guess.” Sirius asked, pouting a bit.

“Oh stop it, it doesn’t mean anything.” Remus said, bumping his shoulder with his and laughing lightly. He directed his next words to Mary. “He has abandonment issues when it comes to James keeping secrets from him, if you didn’t already know.” Mary barked a laugh.

“Oh, I’m sure everyone with eyes and ears can tell.” She smiled. “So… Peter’s here.” She said, gesturing with her head in the direction Peter was sitting. He was sitting alone on the couch, sipping on a soda. He didn’t look like he felt too uncomfortable, but it was evident he felt a bit out of place.

“Yeah… Lily invited him…we met with him earlier today.” Sirius said.

“Yeah, Remus told me. How did it go?” She asked.

“It was awkward… but I mean I think it went rather well given the circumstances.”

“Well, that’s good then.” She responded.

“Why don’t you go and strike a conversation with him?” Remus asked. “It would probably relive some of his anxiety about being here with everyone.” Mary smiled.

“Yeah, sure.” She made her way over to him and plopped down next to him. Peter looked surprised, but smiled brightly and they began a conversation.

“When are they supposed to be getting here?” Remus asked him.

“They should be here any minute now.” Sirius said, looking at the time. Suddenly the doorbell rang.

“That’s… odd. I thought everyone was here?” Remus said, confusedly. Sirius mentally counted the people in the room. There was Dumbledore, McGonnagall and some other Hogwarts professors that Lily and Remus were friends with, the Tonks’ and Narcissia and Draco, the Longbottom’s and then some people James and Sirius knew from work...and that was all. Sirius walked over to the door and opened it to find two people, presumably around their age, give or take, and a young boy.

“Hello…” Sirius said, sort of asking who are you.

“Hello.” The woman responded. “My name is Petunia… Dursley. I’m… Lily is my sister.” She said. Sirius stood there a bit shocked.

“Oh… I- please come in!” He said, moving to the side and gesturing them in. “I’m Sirius.” He said.

“This is my husband, Vernon, and my son, Dudley.” She said in a monotone. Sirius stuck out his hand to shake with Vernon, who took it hesitantly. He then crouched down to Dudley’s level and said, “Hi I’m Sirius, it’s so nice to meet you!” Dudley looked at him a bit nervous and grasped his mother’s leg a bit tighter. “Hello, sir.” He said, cordially. “It’s nice to meet you.” Sirius thought he had never spoken to a 5-year-old with such grace.

“Hi, I’m Remus.” He said, walking up. Sirius looked at him with _thank you for saving me eyes_ and then said, “Rem, this is Vernon, Petunia and Dudley. Lily’s sister, brother-in-law and nephew.” Remus’ eyes grew only for a moment and then he gained composure.

“Oh… it’s a pleasure to meet you all. Take a seat anywhere, there’s drink and food in the kitchen. Lily, James and Harry will be here soon.” And they walked deeper into the house from the entryway.

“Wow… uh? What the fuck?” Sirius said. “Did Lily invite them?”

“I don’t know… how else would they have known about the party?” Remus asked. She must have. They waited another 10 minutes or so before the three Potters walked through the front door. 

“Hello everyone!” James exclaimed. “Thanks so much for being here! How is everyone?”

“Shut up and tell us!” Mary shouted. Everyone laughed.

“Alright everyone, the moment you’ve been waiting for. Harry?” Lily said.

“I’m gonna have a baby sister!” Harry yelled excitedly. Everyone started to murmur around, very excited about this news. Sirius and Remus walked up to them and hugged them both.

“This is amazing news! Prongsletta!” Sirius exclaimed. Lily and James laughed and then Lily saw her sister sitting in a folding chair in the living room.

“Wait… is that Petunia!?” She whisper-yelled.

“She came!” James exclaimed. “I didn’t think she would… I wrote her a letter last week and told her about it.” Lily looked at him with a look of so much love… that Sirius almost cried. She kissed him and when they pulled back she had tears in her eyes. “James Potter… you are just the most incredible person. I love you so much.”

James smiled, that stupid smile that he only got when he was with Lily, and kissed her again, briefly. “That’s all you Lily Potter. All you.”

.  
.  
.

“Well that was a successful party.” Remus said to him as they got back to his flat. “I’m surprised by how well that all went.” They sat down on Remus’ couch and pulled a blanket over themselves.

“I know. It went surprisingly well. I was selfishly hoping for some entertainment.” Sirius said, jokingly.

“Do you want to… you know…” Remus said, gesturing with his head to the bedroom. Sirius blushed and smiled.

“Hmm… I’m a gentleman, Moony. You can’t expect me to be so easy.” Sirius said, flirting.

“Right… I can’t expect it to be the same as our other nightly escapades.” Remus said, pulling Sirius on top of him. “Sirius Orion Black, would you like to come to bed with me so I can make love to you all night?” Remus was whispering into his ear and Sirius felt goosebumps pop up all over his body. Sirius was growing harder at Remus’ words and before Sirius could give him and answer, Remus trailed his hands up Sirius’ thighs and stopped just before reaching his dick. He kissed Sirius and then pulled back as quick as if it had never happened.

“Remus John Lupin, I would very much like you to take me to bed and make love to me all night.” Sirius said and then giggled as Remus picked him up bridal style and carried him to his room.

 _He can do this_. Sirius thought. He can have Remus this way. _This weird in between of ‘not quite friends’ but ‘not quite lovers’ either…_

Truth be told, he’d really do anything for Remus, and that was the scariest fact of them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh these stupid boys, will they ever learn ;)  
> song in the beginning is ‘best laid plans’ by james blunt


	7. friends should sleep in other beds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry for this one...
> 
> .  
> there’s a bit of a time lapse, about 2(ish) months. i’ve done slight time lapses before in between chapters, but i didn’t want anyone to be confused because Lily states that she’s 7 months pregnant and she was only 4(ish) months last chapter! haha. you can assume that Remus and Sirius’ relationship has remained “friends with benefits-y” and that hasn’t changed since the last chapter :) enjoy reading!

_But then again, if we're not friends_ _  
Someone else might love you too  
And then again, if we're not friends  
There'd be nothing I could do, and that's why  
Friends should sleep in other beds  
And friends shouldn't kiss me like you do  
And I know that there's a limit to everything  
But my friends won't love me like you  
No, my friends won't love me like you do  
Oh, my friends will never love me like you_

“Do I have to remind you that I am 7 months pregnant with your child?” Lily said, laughing. “I can’t go out to bars. I’ll just stay home with Harry. Plus, I’m exhausted, I’d be no fun anyways.”

“Then I’m not going either, love.” James said, sitting down next to her on the couch. “It isn’t fair to you if I’m out all night when you can’t be.”

“Oh please, James. You can go and have fun. Harry and I will have a great time. Honestly, please go. I want you to have fun.” She assured him.

“Are you sure?” He asked. “Because I don’t want to make you feel like I’m some asshole husband who doesn’t care about his pregnant wife.” Sirius, Remus and Lily all laughed loudly at that.

“Please, Prongs!” Remus said, chuckling. “You are _The Doting Husband._ No one can ever take the title from you.” James blushed and then took Lily’s hand.

“Okay, my love. I’ll probably just stay at Padfoot’s or Moony’s so I don’t wake you guys up then.”

“Whatever you want to do is fine with me, James. I love you. You dumb, dumb man.”

.

.

.

“Another drink, Remus?” Mary asked walking up to where he was sitting at the bar. He had been sitting there for a while waiting to order another round for them all, with no luck. He looked to their table and saw that everyone had a fresh drink.

“Wh- how did you-!? I’ve been up here for ages!” Remus exclaimed. “How did you get service?”

“It helps to have a pair of these!” Mary said, laughing loudly, gesturing to her boobs. “I know that he has the wrong parts for me, but I’ve got just the right ones for him.” Remus laughed.

“Oh gods… please spare me the straight flirting… it absolutely sickens me.” He said, walking back to the table arm in arm with Mary.

“Hey, I didn’t necessarily like it… but I did what needed to be done.” They got stuck on their way back by a large group of people, and Remus felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see a very beautiful man.

“Can I help you?” Remus asked, politely. He looked the man up and down, he had to admit that this man was stunning. He had dirty blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a very nice figure.

“I’m hoping…” The blonde man said, confidently. “Do you happen to… play for the other team? Or is my gaydar completely off?” Remus made a shocked sound of delight and Mary laughed loudly.

“I’m gonna head back to the table babes.” She said to Remus. “Have fun!” She said in a sing-song-y voice. Remus laughed and looked at the man.

“I’m… well, I’m bisexual. So not entirely off, I suppose.” He felt a bit weird flirting with this man. Obviously he and Sirius weren’t dating, but they had hooked up quite frequently… it felt odd. But to be honest, it did feel sort of nice to get this kind of attention. The other man put his hand on Remus’ shoulder seductively. Remus bit his bottom lip.

“I’m Liam.” The blonde boy said, and he finally had a name for his face.

“Remus.”

.

.

.

“Where’s Moony?” James asked Mary when she sat down at the table.

“Someone thought our dear old Remus was cute and is now currently flirting with him.” She said lightly. She took a sip of her drink.

“What?” Sirius asked, a bit strongly. “He’s flirting with someone?”

“Yeah someone tall, blonde and gorgeous. Where’s my luck, huh?” Mary said, laughing.

“Yeah Mare, you have such a tough time in that department, huh?” Alice said. Mary stuck her tongue out at her and laughed.

“So no one is gonna tell me about the man Remus is flirting with or what?” Sirius said, too annoyed for it to seem normal to his friends. James put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder to try and calm him down.

“Pads… chill out. Remus will be back to the table soon he’s just flirting with some random guy in a bar… and as a single man he has every right to do so, yeah?” James said, only to Sirius. The rest of their friends had moved on from this topic and were discussing work and how much it leads them to drinking.

“I’m just… I mean with me here? He’s flirting with some guy even though he knows I’m here? Like what the hell. What, I mean, is he going to go home with him?” Sirius said, you could practically see the steam rising from his head.

“Relax, mate. Didn’t he say earlier that we’re going to his for a nightcap? I’m sure that once we all leave to our respective homes… or in my case to your flat so I don’t wake up my wife and child, you’ll have sex and all will be normal. Well. Not normal because friends with benefits never works out, but normal for you two.”

“Whatever. He can take that man home. See if I care.” Just then Remus appeared at the table with the blonde man. He wasn’t _that_ good-looking. Remus was so far out of his league.

“Everyone, this is Liam!” Remus said animatedly, sitting in his seat and squishing closely to Mary to make room for Liam. The table shouted mixed greetings and Liam smiled politely. Sirius hated him already.

“Liam, this is Mary, Alice, Frank, James and Sirius, my best friends. James’ wife is one of my best friends too, Lily, but she’s pregnant and not feeling great, so she’s at home.” Remus said.

“Nice to meet you all.” He said in a fake nice tone, Sirius could tell it was fake.

“How old are you?” Sirius asked, a bit harsh. “You look about 17.” James elbowed him, but Sirius brushed it off. Remus gave him a confused look. Liam took it kindly and laughed, which only made Sirius more angry.

“I get that a lot, I’m 21, almost 22. My birthday is next month.”

“What do you do, Liam?” Alice asked, trying to include him in the conversation.

“Oh, I’m a Healer. I actually just started at St. Mungo’s.” He said. Alice smiled brightly.

“I work at St. Mungo’s as a Healer! I would be so happy to take you under my wing!” They all began chatting about _what a small world we live in_ and Sirius finished his drink in one gulp and stood up to get a new one. He’s had just about enough of Mr. Perfect.

He walked over to the bar and took a seat, knowing that it would probably be a while before he’d get waited on. He felt a hand on his shoulder turn him around, it was Remus.

“Pads, what’s up? Are you Ok?” Remus said, a worried look in his eyes. It’s so bloody infuriating that Remus knows him so well. Of course everything is not Ok…

“It’s fine Moons. Just need another drink.” Sirius said, a bit snippy.

“Oh… well, alright. Would you grab one for Frank then too? He just finished his…” Remus said and walked back to the table. He obviously was hurt by Sirius’ cold tone and he felt a twinge of guilt. But, then he just became more angry. He’s the one openly flirting was some guy right in front of him! The bartender finally got his order and he headed back to the table to find that Liam was gone. James smiled at Sirius knowingly and Sirius looked at him.

“What!?” He snapped at James. James pulled a face and then turned his head a bit.

“Nothing Pads… Moony just-.” Sirius cut him off.

“Whatever.” He said. He didn’t want to hear it.

“Where’s the child?” Sirius asked harshly. Remus glanced up with a furrowed brow, and the rest of their friends looked over confusedly. He knew it was a low blow but he couldn’t help it. The next words he said shot out of him like venom. “Are you going to take him home and fuck him?” He heard James say something in his ear, but he wasn’t listening. “He’s probably a virgin too, being so young. It’ll be a treat for you. I mean, at least you’ll get some action tonight.” There was a long awkward silence and all the friends were pretending like they weren’t listening… and failing. Sirius regretted his words almost instantly, but it was too late.

Remus looked really hurt and just sat there for a moment. James sighed loudly. Finally, after what seemed an eternity of he and Remus just staring at each other, Remus took a sip of his drink, finishing it off. “He actually asked me if I wanted to hook up, and I said no, because I thought I already had plans in that department...” He look very pointedly at Sirius. “But, if you’re so keen on setting us up together… I think I’ll go find him.” Remus stood up, grabbing his belongings. “Raincheck on the nightcap, mates?” Remus said, everyone nodded and said their goodbyes to Remus as he rushed off. Sirius just sat there shellshocked. _Did I really say that?_

“Let’s go Pads.” James said after a few minutes of Sirius being frozen, lifting him up from the bench. “See you lot soon.” And James walked him outside of the bar. “Hold onto me. You’re not sober enough to apparate.” Sirius grabbed his arm and suddenly they were inside his flat and James was sitting him on his bed.

“You haven’t said a word, mate. Are you Ok?” James asked him.

“I fucked up badly, didn’t I?” He asked him. James sat down next to him.

“A bit, yeah. But, it’s Ok. Just go to Rem’s tomorrow and apologize. It’ll be fine, Pads.” James said. They both laid down in his bed and kicked their shoes off. James is right, this is a problem for tomorrow Sirius, right now he needed to sleep.

.

.

.

Sirius woke up to a pounding headache and the smell of bacon being cooked. Suddenly a flash of the events of last night went through Sirius’ head and he shot up and ran to the kitchen.

“Oh gods.” He started, “Oh gods, oh gods.” James paid his panic attack no attention and put two plates down at the table.

“Eat up, Pads.” James said.

“Oh my god… tell me it was a dream, Prongs. Please. Please tell me it was a dream.” Sirius said, begging.

“Pads… lets just sit down, eat some breakfast, drink some coffee… and calm down.”

“I can’t calm down, James! I have to go to Moony’s now!” Sirius began walking over to the Floo, but James ran over and stepped in front of him.

“Prongs-!” Sirius started.

“Sirius! You have boxers on, no shirt and no shoes and you smell rank! Sit down, eat some breakfast, take a shower and then go over to Rem’s.” James said, gripping both of Sirius’ shoulders. Sirius took a deep breath and looked down at himself. Yeah… clothes would definitely be the best option. He sat down where James had set the plate for him.

“What time is it?” Sirius asked him.

“Only quarter past 8, Pads.” They finished breakfast and James Floo’d back to his house. Sirius took James’ advice and took a quick shower and changed into fresh clothes. He checked the time and it was 9:30am, he made his way to Floo to Remus’.

He popped into Remus’ flat and looked around, he didn’t see him. He walked into his bedroom and caught the sight of Remus on his back and someone sucking him off. Remus yelled and the man flipped over and Sirius saw that it was Liam. Sirius stood shocked for a split moment before saying, “My apologies… I didn’t realize you had company over.” in a slightly dry tone. Remus hopped out of his bed and slipped his boxers on. Liam was already clothed and stood up too, following Remus. Sirius made his way out the door and Remus yelled, “Sirius, wait a second!”

Liam followed them out of the bedroom door. Sirius made his way back to the living room to go through the Floo. “Hold on, Sirius!” Remus shouted. Sirius snapped around.

“Why!?” He yelled.

“Because… I… You obviously came here for a reason!”

“Yes, well I didn’t know you were fucking someone so early in the morning, my apologies.” Sirius knew he was being childish, but he couldn’t help himself. Liam cleared his throat awkwardly.

“I’m… just going to head out…” He said. “Owl me sometime, Remus.” And he walked through the Floo.

“Do you want to sit down, and we can talk?” Remus asked. Sirius felt like storming out, but he took Remus’ invitation.

“Why did you show up here this morning?” Remus asked, small. He was seemingly a bit embarrassed by the event.

“Because I wanted to apologize for being an absolute wanker last night. And I am sorry. But, I mean I wasn’t wrong, was I?” Sirius asked, trying not to cry. “You did fuck him, didn’t you?” Sirius looked at him, he hadn’t yet made eye contact.

“I… I wasn’t planning on it.” Remus said, finally. Sirius felt like tears were about to pour out any minute. “It’s just… you were such a prat last night and I ran off, and I wasn’t even looking for him. I went to the bathroom and he was in there and saw I was upset and we got to talking and… just… one thing led to another… I was drunk, very drunk” Remus said, finally looking at Sirius.

“You weren’t drunk this morning.” Sirius said, looking down at his twiddling fingers.

“No… I… I wasn’t. But… I don’t know what to say, Sirius.”

“There’s nothing to say, Remus. I mean, it’s not like we’re dating. We’re just friends. You’re a single man. You have every right to fuck whoever you want.” Sirius didn’t mean to sound so sad, it was just how he felt.

“But… I hurt you, love.” He said, wiping one of the tears that had managed to slip out.

“It’s stupid.” Sirius said, trying to find his dignity.

“It’s not. I would feel the same way if you had hooked up with someone.” Remus said.

“But I didn’t.” Sirius stood up. “I’m just going to go. I… we’re done, Ok?” Sirius said.

“Wait… what?” Remus asked, catching his hand.

“I can’t do the whole friends with benefits thing anymore. I thought I could do it, and I can’t so… I’m just… we’re done.” Sirius said, trying to leave before he broke down completely.

“Pads… I… I’m sorry, Ok. I know I fucked up but-.” Sirius cut him off.

“You didn’t fuck up, Rem. You didn’t. You didn’t do anything wrong. You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone who can give you what you want, who can give you a relationship. So… I’m gonna go. We’re fine. You’re always gonna be my friend. I just need to go right now.” And he broke free from Remus’ hand and went through the Floo. Instead of ending up in his own flat, he popped into James and Lily’s who were sitting on the couch watching cartoons with Harry. They all looked up when Sirius popped in. Sirius fell to the floor sobbing, not able to hold his tears in anymore. All three of them ran over to him and enveloped him in hugs.

“Paddy, don’t cry. What’s wrong?” Harry asked him. Sirius squeezed Harry tightly.

“I’m not who someone wants, Prongslet. And… it really, really, hurts.” Sirius said, in between his sobs. Harry held him tighter.

“You’re what _I_ want, Paddy.” Harry said. It only made him cry harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it hurt to write this... :/  
> song in the beginning is ‘friends’ by ed sheeran!


	8. walls

_Nothing makes you hurt_

_like hurting who you love._

_And no amount of words_

_will ever be enough._

_I looked you in the eyes,_

_Saw that I was lost._

_For every question why,_

_You were my because._

The next few days went by in a whirl. Remus wasn’t even sure how properly handle his emotions, well he’s never really be sure how to properly handle his emotions…but even more so under these circumstances. He knows he didn’t technically cheat on Sirius, they weren’t dating… but why did he feel so terrible. Sirius was clearly hurt, and he felt s stupid because he really didn’t understand why. Thinking back on it, he didn’t even think he saw him that hurt when they broke up because it was a mutual decision.

The sad part is, Remus always thought they’d get back together after the war ended. It always seemed inevitable… but then they just… didn’t. In the midst of his internalized anxiety attack an owl tapped at the window. He got up and retrieved the letter, it was from Liam.

_Sorry if I caused a fight in your relationship… that was never my intention._

_-Liam._

Oh gods… Remus felt like an absolute piece of shit. Not only had he hurt one of his best friends, but some innocent guy who just wanted a bit of fun. He grabbed for some parchment quickly.

_Liam, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Sirius and I aren’t in a relationship, but it was a bit complicated. I’m sorry that you had to see that the other day._

_-R.L._

He was trying to give Sirius space… he was really upset, but it had been 5 days since he saw him last. He went to James and Lily’s and he could tell Sirius had just been there because they were acting like they were covering something up. _He just needs some time,_ Lily kept telling him that, and of course he respects his boundaries. He is just utterly confused about why he’s so hurt… unless Sirius wanted to get back together… which he clearly didn’t because they’d been hooking up for weeks without him saying a thing, he doesn’t get what the big deal is.

He Floo’d to James and Lily’s, hoping to catch Sirius there. No such luck. He popped in and they were at their kitchen table eating lunch.

“Hey Moons!” James said, a little too nonchalant to be normal. “How-how’re you?”

“You just missed Uncle Padfoot, Uncle Moony!” Harry exclaimed. James and Lily’s faces contorted into looks of _we really don’t know how to act right now_ and Harry remained wistfully oblivious.

“Oh… oh, that’s too bad, little one. I miss him a lot.” Remus said, honestly. He can’t remember a time he’d ever gone this long without talking to Sirius.

“He says he missed you a lot too Uncle Moony! You should hang out with him. He’s really sad.” Harry said. “Do you want some of my chicken? I helped Mummy make it!” Remus pulled a tight smile and sat down at the empty chair next to Harry.

“Ok, Harry. You can be done now. Why don’t you play with some of your toys in the T.V. room. We’ll come in when Uncle Moony has had something to eat.” Lily said, and Harry shot up with a _Yes! Thank you Mummy!_

“So… how is he?” Remus asked after Harry ran off.

“I mean… he’s doing Ok, Rem. He’s… he’s pretty shaken up about this whole thing. He still hasn’t really told us what happened.” James said, clearly waiting for Remus to elaborate on the little bit of information Sirius had told them.

“Well… er… I hooked up with… with Liam. That lad we met when we went out to the pubs.” Remus said, looking down at his twiddling fingers.

“You-! Wait… you fucked him!?” James whisper-yelled. Remus looked up slightly, blush apparent on his face.

“Yes… I was – I was drunk out of my mind and he was flirting with me and making me feel good and Sirius had been an absolute twat! So… I took him to my flat and I… we had sex.” Lily sighed loudly.

“Rem… you had like anger sex with some innocent man because you were mad at Sirius? That’s kinda shitty.” Lily said.

“No… I mean… no, I like Liam. He was really cool and he’s nice and sweet and very attractive… I… but I don’t know I guess the only reason I brought him home was because I was mad, but that wasn’t the only reason I fucked him… you know?” He said to James and Lily, pleading with his eyes for them to understand his point.

“I guess I understand what you’re saying.” James started. “But, Sirius didn’t go over to yours until the morning. What happened?”

“I… when he woke up he started going down on me and Sirius walked in like right when I woke up from that…” Lily and James just stared at each other for a second.

“Well… that explains why he was so upset that day.” Lily began. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Remus.” She added. James made a sound of protest and opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped himself. It made Remus a little irritated.

“What?” He asked, directed at James. “What did you want to say?” Remus said harshly.

“Nothing… I mean… I don’t think you’re totally innocent here is all I meant, Moony.” James said, hands raised in surrender. This bugged Remus a lot. Of course James wouldn’t think that Sirius could do any wrong.

“May I ask what exactly I did wrong? I mean, we weren’t exclusive and he was a big, giant prat to me that night… so what exactly did I do wrong, James? Of course your perfect, precious Padfoot is always the innocent little victim, right?” Remus snapped, he didn’t even know why he was reacting so badly. He did feel bad about the whole situation and he knows he went about it wrong when explaining it to Sirius the next day… but James was acting as if it wasn’t even a little bit justified. James flinched at Remus’ harsh words

“It’s not like that at all, Remus.” He started, he sounded really hurt by Remus’ words. “And you know it’s not like that… I know I‘ve made excuses for Sirius in the past, but I’m not doing that right now. He was extremely hurt. I don’t think it’s fair for you to attack me like that.” He finished.

“I don’t think it’s fair that everyone’s mad at me for sleeping with someone. I have every right to sleep with whomever I want. I am a grown ass, _single_ man and if I want to fuck someone seven ways to Sunday, I can.” Remus stood up, kissed Lily on the cheek and made his way to the Floo.

“Moony!” James called after him, following him into their living room where the Floo was.

“I’m just done right now, James.” Remus went to where Harry was playing on the other side of the room.

“Are you leaving already Uncle Moony?” Harry asked. “I wanted to play!” He pouted.

“I’m sorry, little one. I will come back very soon and we can play for hours, Ok? I love you lots and lots.” Remus said, hugging Harry tightly in his arms. He stood up from where he bent to hug Harry and made his way to the Floo.

Silence filled the Potter home while James tried to figure out what they should do. It felt like everything was falling apart.

“You know Remus is right, James.” Lily said, finally. “He and Sirius weren’t dating.”

“Yeah but Remus had to know how Sirius felt for him.” James said, childishly.

“Right… cause Remus has always been super aware of people’s feelings and emotions… especially his own and those closest to him…” Lily said sarcastically. “When has he ever been able to read emotions? Unless someone tells him something directly he doesn’t know. He’s oblivious. Until you and Sirius caught Remus and I talking about him that one night at school, Remus had no clue his feelings were reciprocated. So…you’re being unfair and siding with Sirius just because he’s your best friend.” Lily finished. James sighed.

“I know… I just hate seeing him like this. Both of them. I don’t think they’ve ever gone this long without talking to each other.” James said. “I’m scared for them. What if they don’t make up?”

Lily wrapped her arms around him. “We just have to give it time.” She said, kissing his cheek. “It’s not up to us.”

“It should be.” James said, stubbornly. “Those two prats are so dumb when it comes to each other.”

.

.

.

“I don’t think you’re being dramatic, Sirius. I mean… you’re in love with him. And although I don’t think you’re being dramatic, I do think you’re being a complete idiot. Because Remus has feelings for you too. It’s so obvious. Why don’t you just talk to him about it.” Mary said.

“I’m not looking for someone sensible to talk to Mary…” Sirius joked. “I know. But if nothing else, I’m a stubborn prat.”

“Well… yes, we’re all greatly aware of that. You know what I think?” Mary said.

“I feel like you’re gonna hit me with the hard truths.”

“You bet your arse I am. Look, I think that you’re scared to talk to Remus, because whichever way it goes it’ll all be over. If he tells you that he’s not into dating you, this fantasy you created in your head goes away. And, if he tells you that he’s in love with you too, this exciting chase and flirtationship ends. You have to decide what you want. Grow up and decide. Because if you really don’t want a relationship right now, then you need to move on.” Sirius just looked at her and then smiled.

“Damn… don’t hold anything back Mare… I- I know. You’re absolutely right… But what if Remus doesn’t want to talk to me?”

“He will. You know Remus. You know that he is probably feeling just as awful as you right now. Go talk to him.”

Sirius gave Mary a hug, she deserved a thousand more for listening to Sirius complain for over an hour. He headed to her Floo and popped to Remus’. He was met with Remus sitting at his kitchen table with Liam. _Stay calm, Sirius_ the voice in his head (that sounded oddly like Lily) was saying.

“Pads! Hey… hey how’re you?” Remus said, standing up.

“Hey Moony. I’m sorry… I didn’t know you’d have company. I’ll make this quick. I’m sorry I was such a big, giant prat. You’re one of my best friends… and I treated you shitty. I shouldn’t have said what I said… and you have every right to do whatever you want. And Liam, hey, you seem very lovely.” The fact that Sirius was remaining as calm as he was … it was pretty impressive in his own opinion. He wasn’t expecting Liam to be there… There’s no point to even say anything about dating. Clearly, Remus has moved on…

Liam smiled politely, clearly feeling a bit awkward. Remus looked at Sirius with confusion. “You’re my best friend, Sirius. I’m sorry too. I guess… I guess we got our signals crossed somewhere.” Sirius’ eyes widened for just a moment, before collecting himself.

“Yeah… I guess we did. So, we’re good?” He asked Remus.

“Of course we are.” He walked over to Sirius and hugged him tightly. It took everything in him to not run his hands all over him. They pulled away from each other and just looked at one another and smiled. “Do you want to stay for dinner? I’m making chicken.” Remus said.

“No, it’s all good Rem. I’m going to James’ and Lily’s. Harry wants a play date, shocking.” Remus laughed.

“Send them my love! And tell Harry I’ll be over for a play date soon too.”

“Will do. Bye. See ya, Liam”

“Oh… bye Sirius.” He said, awkwardly.

He popped into James’ and Lily’s. He lied to Remus, he didn’t actually have plans with them, but he didn’t want to third wheel Remus’ date and didn’t want to be alone.

“Paddy!” Harry exclaimed when Sirius popped in from the Floo. Harry jumped up, off James’ lap and ran to Sirius, who picked him up and held him.

“Hey Prongslet. I missed you!” He walked with Harry over to where James and Lily were sitting on the couch.

“I missed you too Paddy. Are we having a play date!? Can I invite Draco over?” He looked to his mum and dad. Lily smiled.

“I’ll owl Narcissa and see Harry.” Harry smiled brightly.

“Thanks Mummy! I’m gonna go get my toys together!” Harry sprung from Sirius’ arms and ran to his room while Lily got some parchment.

“What’s up Pads. Not that you don’t pop in randomly, but you like you’ve seen a ghost.” James said. Sirius sat at the chair opposite of them from the couch.

“I just came from Remus’. We talked finally.” Lily and James just looked at him to continue.

“…And!?” Lily practically yelled.

“And… nothing?” Sirius said, confused. “We’re… we’re good. We talked and it’s all good.”

“So… you’re not back together…?” James asked.

“What! No… no. We’re… friends.” Sirius said, sighing. “Look, I’m not going to deny it to you two anymore. I know you know it’s obvious…. But… that’s not what Remus wants. Liam was there when I popped in his Floo. Clearly… they’re dating or whatever… so I just gotta move on.” Lily didn’t look convinced. But what could Lily say to him if he’s made up his mind.

“You stupid prat!” James yelled. “Are you serious!? And don’t say ‘Yes I am Sirius’ because that joke stopped being funny first year. You gave Lily and I countless grey hairs, more grey hairs than our 5 year old son has given us, and you’re just gonna give up without trying? Really?”

“James… Liam was literally sitting right there, it’s not like I was gonna confess my love for him in front of his date! Like… that would’ve been shitty. Plus… I… There’s something I want to talk to you guys about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song at the beginning is “walls” by louis tomlinson! :)


	9. to be so lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> contains a birth, a flashback and lots of feelings!!!

_Don't blame me for falling  
I was just a little boy  
Don't blame the drunk calling  
Wasn't ready for it all_

_You can't blame me, darling  
Not even a little bit  
I was away  
And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch  
Who can't admit when he's sorry_

_Don't call me baby again  
You got your reasons  
I know that you're tryna be friends  
I know you mean it  
Don't call me baby again  
It's hard for me to go home  
To be so lonely _

“Ok, what’s up Pads?” James asked, confusedly. Sirius can’t blame him for being confused he did just bring this up out of nowhere.

“I… I got a job offer. It’s better pay and I would be the head of the department.” He chooses his words very carefully, not wanting to upset them yet. Lily smiles widely and shrieks.

“Sirius! That’s amazing! Merlin! You- I’m so proud of you!” She jumps up and hugs him.

“Me too, Pads!” James says smiling widely. “I’m so happy for you! That’s so fucking great.” He gets up to give Sirius a hug too and then he and Lily sit back down.

“Why don’t you seem happy about this?” Lily asks. “This is a huge deal!”

“Because I originally wasn’t going to take the job…”

“Padfoot, what!?” James practically yelled. “This is- what!?”

“I would be head of the department… in America…” Sirius said quietly. Lily and James’ faces dropped and they looked at each other.

“In America… Oh.” James said, not having the words to describe how he feels. Lily grabbed his hand.

“Sirius, if this is something you want to do, I think you should do it. It’s a wonderful opportunity.” Lily said, a little too calmly. This told Sirius she was trying to keep it together for him and James.

“I… I don’t. My family is here. I want to be in my niece’s life, little Prongslet. You guys… It’s just… all this stuff with Remus. It’s got me thinking that maybe I could… maybe it would help if I…” Sirius couldn’t get across what he was trying to say. It was silent for a few moments, maybe a minute. They knew they had a strong attachment to each other. Sirius and James especially, they’ve been glued to each other from the moment they met. Platonic soulmates and all that embarrassing shit. Sirius can’t imagine a life where he only sees James on special occasions. Of course he can Floo whenever he wants to… but he would be living in America. Things would change…

“You’re thinking that maybe you could finally get over Remus if… if you had some distance between you… like physically.” James finally said.

“I think that even with the distance we’ve been giving each other, here living in very close proximity to each other in London… we always knew that you know after an outing or something we could… hook up… you know? I don’t know it’s probably all psychological… and it probably sounds dumb…” Sirius trailed off.

“It doesn’t sound dumb, Sirius. We love you no matter where you are in the world. You’ll always be our family and you’ll always be ‘Uncle Padfoot’ to our children. You don’t have to live in London for that much to be true.” Lily said. Tears were welling in all of their eyes now.

“So… you think I should take it? I… don’t- I don’t want to… I just I feel like… I-.” James cut him off.

“You feel like you have to?” He asked, Sirius nodded. “Ok then Pads. If that’s what you have to do… then that’s what you have to do. When are you… gonna tell Remus?” Sirius hadn’t thought about having to tell Remus. But, of course he has to.

“Do you think I should sit on this for a few days?” He asked them.

“What do you mean?” Lily asked.

“They don’t need to know until the end of next week. I have a few days until I have to give them an answer… maybe things will… maybe we can find a way to be more… normal. Remus and me, I mean.” James and Lily looked at him… with something resembling pity.

“Maybe you can Padfoot.” James said. “Either way, you should probably tell him that you’re thinking about it.”

“Yeah… you’re… Yeah. I will tomorrow maybe. I don’t know if I have the strength right now.”

“Is Draco coming!? Is Draco coming!?” Harry squealed coming out of his room.

“I don’t know yet baby, his mummy hasn’t owled me back yet. I’m sure he’ll be able to come!” Lily said.

“Why do you look so sad, Uncle Paddy?” Harry asked, walking over to him. Sirius lifted him up on his lap.

“Oh, I’m fine my dear Prongslet. Don’t worry about me.” He said, feigning a smile for Harry. Harry put his hand on Sirius’ cheek.

“But you’re always so sad now Paddy. I want you to be happy and I want your heart to smile like mine does!” Harry said, putting his hand back on his lap. Sirius was holding in tears. He can’t believe that Harry could tell something was wrong, he was trying to be so happy and jovial around him.

“I’ll be Ok, babe. Promise.” He told him.

“And we never break our promises to each other, right Paddy?” Harry asked. Sirius smiled.

“Never.” Harry stuck his hand out for Sirius to shake, but he just took Harry into his arms with a big bear hug.

“Paddy! Wanna see the coolest toy ever!?” Harry exclaimed, hopping off of Sirius’ lap and taking him to his room.

“Of course!” Sirius said following him. Just then the owl from Narcissa came.

__

_ -Draco would love a play date. We will come via Floo in a few minutes. _

__

_ Narcissa  _

__

Narcissa and Draco came over and stayed for hours, so long that Draco and Harry fell asleep in Harry’s room and James and Lily told Narcissa to just come back for him in the morning. Narcissa Floo’d home and Sirius went to “his room”.

The next morning Sirius was woken up by loud conversation in the kitchen. He wasn’t surprised to hear the voice of two excitable 5 year olds and the bustle of someone making breakfast. He creeped out of his room and sat down at the table next to Lily. Harry and Draco were “helping” James make breakfast. By helping it seemed like it was more of a “handing James things to do”. It was sweet.

“Morning, Pads. Sleep well?” Lily asked him.

“Yeah, like a baby. You, Lil? How’s my little niece in there.” He asked, rubbing her stomach.

“I slept fine, baby girl didn’t keep me up at all.” She said, smiling.

“It’ll be weird when she finally has a name, huh? I’ve gotten so used to calling her ‘baby girl’.” Sirius said.

“Maybe we‘ll just name her Baby Girl then.” She said, jokingly. “No one else will have a name like it.”

“Do you have any … other ideas, maybe?” Sirius said, laughing.

“Mmm… a few. None of them seem right though. James thinks that once we meet her, we’ll know. I figure he’s probably right.”

“Okie Dokie then!” Harry exclaimed. “ARE YOU READY!?”

“Harry… why are you shouting?” Lily asked.

“Oh… sorry mummy. But look at this yummy breakfast that Daddy, Draco and me made!”

“It looks so good boys! Good job.” Sirius said. They all got their food and sat down, enjoying breakfast. When the boys were done they went back to Harry’s room to play and Sirius helped James clean up breakfast.

“So, you going to Moony’s later?” James asked him.

“Yeah… better do it, right?” Sirius asked.

“Better… but it’ll be Ok Pads. I know you and Remus will fix it all.” James said. Sirius wish he was as confident about that as James sounded. The truth is that he doesn’t know if he and Remus will ever be able to get back to that point. When he finished cleaning he said goodbye to Harry and Draco and then Floo’d to Remus’. Hopefully Liam wouldn’t be there, he didn’t know if he could take it.

Thankfully he popped in and it was just Remus sitting on his couch watching the telly.

“Pads!” Remus exclaimed, smiling. He turned off the show he was watching and stood up to greet him. “What are you doing here?” He asked.

“I uh… could I talk to you about something?” Sirius asked. A look washed over Remus’ face that Sirius couldn’t quite place and went away just as quick as he had seen it. He led Sirius to his couch and they both sat down.

“What’s up, Padfoot? Everything Ok?” Remus asked, seemingly worried about what Sirius was going to tell him.

“I don’t really know how to say this… but I was offered a job in America. Head of my department…” Sirius said this while looking down at his dancing fingers. Remus didn’t say anything at first, probably a bit shocked.

“Are… are uh… are you going to take it?” He finally asked.

“I haven’t decided yet… what… what do you think?” Sirius asked, finally looking up into Remus’ eyes.

“It… sounds like a wonderful opportunity, Padfoot. I mean… America is… wow. I mean you should take it, if that’s what you want.” Remus said. Sirius’ heart sank. A cruel part of Sirius’ brain (it must be the part that controls love and all that crap) thought that maybe _just maybe_ Remus would ask him to stay. But… he was being naïve. He’s fucking that Liam bloke now… so…

“Yeah. I haven’t… I… like I said I haven’t made up my mind yet. Just wanted to tell you because-.” Suddenly James popped in the Floo holding Harry and Draco’s hands.

“IT”S HAPPENING!” He screamed. “LILY’S IN LABOR SHE’S GOING TO THE MUGGLE MEDI-WITCH PLACE CMON PRATS LET’S GO!” Sirius and Remus followed James and (with Remus’ driving) they all made it and followed Lily and James into the hospital. Draco and Harry were trailing behind Lily and James wide-eyed at this crazy place they were just brought to. Thankfully Andromeda and Ted have a phone, so Remus called and asked if they could pick Harry and Draco up. They of course said they would and that’d they’d be there soon.

“Do you want us to stay?” Remus asked Lily.

“Yes! If you don’t mind waiting. Apparently I’m only dilated 2 centimeters.” She said.

“I don’t know what that means… but of course we’ll wait Lil. We’ll be in the waiting room, James will let us know when the magic happens.”

5 hours had passed and Lily was still only dilated 4 centimeters… which apparently isn’t a lot. And… Sirius trying to geometrically figure out how a baby could fit out of even 10 centimeters… it was hurting him thinking about it. James told the two to go home and that he’ll ‘telophoney’ them. The nurses say it’ll still be a while.

“That stinks for Lil though.” Remus said as they were walking back to the car.

“Must be horrible… but they make great spawn so…” Sirius joked, Remus laughed.

“Why don’t you just stay at mine?” Remus said and Sirius was… he was so so weak.

“Yeah. Sure Moons.”

.

.

.

“Nightcap?” Remus asked. Sirius knew he should say no. He knew that if he took this nightcap that they would most likely end up in bed together. He knew this. But… has he mentioned that he was so so weak when it came to Remus?

“Yeah, sounds good.”

2 hours and 4 drinks later they were giggling on the couch. A part of Sirius (perhaps the part he was talking about earlier… the cruel part of his brain) thought that maybe… for a moment… that everything could go back to the way it was. Maybe they could do the friends with benefits thing. It was going fine until… oh who was he kidding? It was never enough for him. But Sirius knew in his heart of hearts that is Remus kissed him tonight, he would let him. Thankfully before any moves could be made, Remus’ phone rang.

“We’ll be right there Prongs!” Remus practically shouted into the telephone. “C’mon Pads! James said Lily will be giving birth any time now!”

“Rem, are you sober enough to drive?” Sirius asked, concerned.

“Yeah! I only had 2 drinks. Plus it’s right down the road!” He grabbed Sirius’ hand and led him to the care. You know that cruel part of Sirius’ brain that keeps showing itself? Sirius hated it a lot right now, because he let that _cruel part of his brain_ think for just a minute that he was Remus’ and they were holding hands as nonchalantly as they did every day at Hogwarts. And because of this memory, he had a flash of the first time they said “I love you”.

______

_”Padfoot you know that we can’t do the same things as … as…”_

_“Say it Rem. Go ahead. As ‘normal’ couples.. Right? That’s what you were going to say?” Sirius said, rather indignant. He crossed his arms and did a slight pout. Obviously he knew that he was being dramatic. He knew that people were homophobic and would be horrible. But Sirius didn’t care. He just wanted to be able to grab Remus’ had when they were walking down the corridor without Remus having to check the map to make sure they were alone._

_“Sirius…” Remus started, looking at Sirius with sad eyes, almost pity. “Straight couples can do that without the fear that someone’s going to hex them from behind. I mean… you know that I want to… how can you think that I don’t…”_

_“It’s Ok Remus. I know I’m being stupid. I guess I just look at all the couples around us who can just be without fear. How James can flirt with Lily openly and the only person that’s going to hex him is her.” Sirius smirked and that got a laugh out of Remus._

_“One day… When we’re out of Hogwarts, when the war is over, when we are out of this- this horrible time… we can do that. Maybe the world will be different someday. All I know is that, a life without you in it, is a life I don’t want to live in.” Remus said it so earnestly that Sirius wanted to cry._

_“Moony…” Sirius couldn’t find the words to express what he was feeling._

_“Padfoot I- you mean the world to me, Ok. I’m going to do everything in my power to protect you. I love you.” Sirius’ eyes shot to Remus’. He needed to make eye contact to make sure that Remus didn’t regret the three words he just said._

_“You love me?” Sirius asked._

_“More than anything.”_

_“I love you too, Remus.” He suddenly became very frustrated because he didn’t think that those three words encompassed just how much Remus meant to him. Remus pulled him and started kissing him as if kissing each other was the only thing that mattered. As if the war didn’t exist, as if homophobia didn’t exist. As if the only thing in the world were Remus and Sirius and the love they had for each other._

______

“Pads!?” Sirius was broken out of his thoughts and realized that they had already gotten to the hospital.

“Oh… sorry Rem. I guess… I guess I just was out of it.” Remus smiled.

“It’s all good, Sirius. What were you thinking about anyway?” Sirius put on a smile that could fool anyone.

“Just… when times were simpler.” Remus gave him an odd look but left it at that. They walked into the hospital, to the waiting room. Once Baby Girl is born Lily will be moved to a recovery room and that’s when they can meet her. After about 15 minutes of waiting, James came out and looked both ways before looking back to his two best friends. Tears were in his eyes, but Sirius could tell they were tears of joy.

“She’s perfect you guys! You don’t even know. How did I create something so fucking beautiful!? She’s gotta be all Lily. She’s just an angel. Come meet her!” Sirius and Remus followed James to where Lily was. In her arms was a beautiful baby girl. She looked just like Lily, but definitely a hint of James in there too.

“Lily… she is amazing.” Remus said, breathless.

“I adore her. I love her so much already.” Sirius said, eyes watering.

“Remus… Sirius… Meet Euphemia Marlene Potter.” Neither Sirius nor Remus could hold in their tears at that. It had been many years since Euphemia died, and a few since Marlene passed too. This baby was named after two of the most amazing people Sirius ever knew. Which is perfect because she’s being raised by two of the most amazing people he knows.

“That’s just… that’s perfect you guys. Absolutely perfect. Perfect name for the most perfect girl.” Not wanting to keep Lily up and wanting the three of them to have some alone time, Sirius and Remus said their goodbyes and made their way to Remus’ car. They drove home in a comfortable silence, not wanting to ruin the moment by speaking. When they got to Remus’ flat Remus offered a nightcap again. Sirius wanted to say yes, he wanted Remus to take him and he wanted to spend all night together. But... he found what little willpower he had left and headed home.

He lay in bed thinking about how perfect Euphemia Marlene Potter was and how Harry is going to be the best big brother. What was he thinking? He can’t miss that. He can’t miss Euphemia’s life… he’ll deal with his feelings for Remus… but there’s no way that he could leave to America…

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song at the beginning is “to be so lonely” by harry styles  
> euphemia is james’ mom’s name!! (just in case anyone didn’t realize why it was so emotional lol)


	10. love you goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big decisions

_Oh, why you wearing that to walk out of my life?_

_Oh, even though it’s over you should stay the night._

_If tomorrow you won’t be mine,_

_won’t you give it to me one last time?_

_Oh, baby let me love you goodbye._

“I can’t believe how perfect you are, Ephie.” Sirius said, holding her in his arms. That’s what they’ve nicknamed Euphemia, and it just kind of stuck.

“Only three days old and we’ve already given her a nickname.” Remus said, sitting next to them on the couch.

“I think Harry was only three hours old before we gave him a nickname.” Sirius said, laughing. He looked down at Ephie who was just sleeping in his arms. He felt so much love for her and couldn’t believe that there was another baby around again. Things between him and Remus were still a bit awkward and tense. He didn’t want it to be, but I guess that’s what happens when you do friends with benefits with your best friend and then abruptly stop it.

“Yeah, that’s true. At least Ephie’s is taken from her actual name. Poor Harry got stuck with Prongslet.” Remus said.

“I like Prongslet!” Harry said, running into the room. “It makes me feel like a moordor! Like you guys and daddy.” Sirius and Remus laughed at that.

“It’s ‘marauder’, love.” Sirius corrected. “Wanna say hey to your sister?” Harry nodded and hopped up on the other side of Sirius. Harry carefully placed a finger on Ephie’s face and caressed it. 

“I think she’s the most beautiful ever.” Harry said quietly. “Do you think she knows that we love her?” He asked them. Sirius smiled and he felt a small ache in his heart. Harry was such a good brother already and it just made Sirius wonder if he would ever have a kid like Harry or Ephie.

“I think she does.” Remus answered. “She can probably tell because she’s getting passed around like a hot potato.” Harry kissed her on the cheek and just then James came from the hallway.

“How’s my girl?” He asked Sirius rounding the corner to the couch.

“My girl now. Is it cool if I take her home? Thanks.” Sirius stood up and pretended to start walking away.

“Paddy!” Harry shouted. “She has to stay here, she lives here!” Harry was giggling like a madmen. He was glad to know he could still make Harry laugh like that. Sirius walked back over to the the couch and handed Ephie to James.

“Oh, alright. But I’m going to come over and see her and you lots and lots. Is that Ok?” He asked, crouching down to Harry.”

“Duh, Paddy. You do that anyways.” Harry said, walking out of the room.

“Can you believe she’s mine?” James asked. It was sweet, the way James was as a dad. He was the same with Harry when he was first born, in disbelief that he had made another human.

“I mean for no work at all, I get to hold this precious little thing and she’s mine? I mean Lily had to do all of that… it makes me feel bad sometimes. Like I wish that we could take turns or something, ya know? Like tag team it.”

“Only problem is that you don’t have a uterus, Prongs.” Remus said, standing up. “I have to go, I have to meet with Dumbledore.”

“For what?” Sirius asked, nervously.

“Calm down, Pads.” Remus said, smiling. “It’s just for teaching stuff. It’s a meeting for all the professors. I told Lily I would take notes for her.” He kissed Ephie on the forehead and went to find Harry and Lily. Then he waved bye to James and Sirius and made his way to Hogwarts.

“So have you thought anymore about the job offer?” James asked, setting Ephie down in the crib that’s in their T.V. room. He sat down in the chair next to it.

“Yeah… I think I’m going to turn it down.” Sirius said. He hadn’t talked much about the job offer because he didn’t really know what to say. He knew that, even though James would never say it, he didn’t want Sirius to take the job either.

“Are you sure, Pads? I mean it’s a really great opportunity!”

“I know… but it just… I don’t want to miss out on stuff at home. Like Ephie’s life… and Harry’s. I … I can deal with my feelings for Remus.” He said. He didn’t even sound convincing to himself, and he could tell James wasn’t buying it either.

“Are you sure about-.” Sirius cut him off.

“You know what we should do?” He asked. He didn’t want to hear all the reasons James was going to spew about how it would be good for him and blah blah blah. James opened him mouth, closed it, sighed and then asked, “What, Padfoot?”

“Throw a ‘Welcome to the World Ephie Potter’ party!” He said, grinning from ear to ear.

“I can’t see why, considering she’s three days old and wouldn’t remember it.” James said, smiling, looking at Ephie in her crib.

“Well… duh. It wouldn’t be for Ephie. It’ll be for the people who want to meet her and for you and Lily for creating such a beautiful child.” James laughed at that.

“I’ll talk to Lils and see how she’s feeling.”

“That’s not a no…” Sirius said, smirking.

“It’s not a yes either, you prat.”

“Yeah, but C’mon James. If there’s two things the Marauders are good for it’s 1. Causing mischief and 2. Throwing great parties.”

“I know, Pads. But, I didn’t say no. I’m just gonna make sure Lily is up for it. She just pushed a human out of her only three days ago.” Sirius laughed and nodded.

“Fair enough. She pushed a really wonderful human out of her. Ephie is like a dream, Prongs.”

“I don’t even know what to think. My kids are both so perfect, it’s a little bit like it can’t be real.”

“Oh, it’s real. Your kids are perfect. It must be the Lily in them.” Sirius said, laughing lightly.

“For sure, there’s not a doubt in my mind about that.”

“In all honesty, James? You’re an amazing dad. I hope I’m like you as a dad, if I ever have any kids.” Sirius said, blushing lightly.

“Thanks, Pads. And I know it feels like you won’t have kids now, but you will. You’ll be an amazing dad too.” James smiled at him. This was one of those very rare moments where there is no humor between them, just the feeling of _this man is my brother and I love him_. It doesn’t happen too often, but when it does it reminds Sirius that he has a lot to be thankful for.

“I should get going. Let me know what Lils says about the get together.” Sirius said, heading to the Floo. “I’ll let her rest, give her and Harry a kiss for me, yeah?”

“For sure. See you tomorrow Sirius.” James walked over to him and gave him a hug. Not a side hug, or a one armed _hey i’ll see you later hug_ but a full on hug, a hug that said _I love you so much_.

“See ya, James.” And Sirius popped in the Floo.

He was trying to go to sleep later that night, but he couldn’t bring his brain to stop overthinking. Was he making the right choice, not taking this job? He doesn’t care about the money… he just keeps thinking about how it could be easier to get over Remus from thousands of miles away… finally after hours of keeping him up, his mind dulled and he drifted into sleep.

.

.

.

“So James tells me you want to throw a party.” Lily said, coming to sit by him on the couch. He, once again, had Ephie in his arms. He couldn’t help it, she’s just too perfect.

“Not a party… a gathering. But… I kind of feel dumb cause I didn’t realize how much pain you’re probably still in.” Sirius said, blushing. “As James so… beautifully… put it; you just pushed a person out of your body.”

“I did… but I actually feel kind of Ok. I mean I’m not going to go run a marathon… but I feel much better than the week following Harry’s birth. Maybe like… I’m a birthing pro now.” Lily said, smiling.

“I’m sure you are, Lils. But, honestly it was a silly idea.”

“No, I think it would be fine if just our closet friends came over. All I need to do is be in sweatpants and sit on the couch. It can just be a casual thing. Just Rem, the Tonks, Mare, Narcissa and Draco, the Weasley’s… maybe just Molly and Arthur…and the Longbottoms?” Lily said.

“Yeah? You sure you’re up for it?” Sirius asked.

“As long as everyone leaves by her bedtime, I don’t see a problem. We can just have everyone cycle in and out. We can tell them to come any time between 1 and 7ish.”

“That’s a good idea! No wonder you’re a professor.” Sirius said, lighting elbowing her.

“Why’re you surprised? I’ve always been the smart one. At least between you and James.” They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

“Hey do you think we should see if Peter wants to come by?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah, good idea. I’m sure he’d like to meet her.”

“Ok, it’s settled then. I’ll send out the owls. How about tomorrow?”

“Sounds very good, Pads.” Lily rested her head on Sirius’ shoulder and he thought about just how special Lily Evans Potter was. Thank Godric that James married her.

.

.

.

The pop in party was very successful. No more than 5 people were there at once so it wasn’t too overwhelming for Ephie. She was sleeping a lot of the time anyway. Everyone they invited ended up stoping by. Petunia even came, which was a shock to everyone yet again. They chatted for a while, cooed over how cute Ephie was and talked to James and Lily. Remus and Sirius were there the whole time, but stayed in the kitchen. It was much easier if the only people annoying James and Lily were their guests… and Remus and Sirius have never counted as “guests”. Sirius was a few drinks in, and feeling very nice.

“Do you think Ephie’s gonna have red hair or black?” Sirius asked Remus, out of the blue. Remus looked from the guests to Sirius and took a second to think.

“I don’t know… she kind of already looks like Lily in the face. She has James’ eyes though. Maybe she’ll be the opposite of Harry. Lily’s everything, except the eyes.”

“That would be cool. She’s so perfect. They’re good at creating people.” Sirius said, laughing which caused Remus to laugh. He must be drunk too, if he’s laughing at Sirius’ awful humor.

“You say the damndest things, Pads.” Remus answered, taking another drink, looking at Sirius while doing so. Sirius knew what he was feeling in his stomach. He knew the butterflies fluttering and the heart pounding feeling… he knew the way Remus was looking at him. He knew that Remus was going to ask him to go back to his and Sirius knew… he didn’t have the strength to say no to Remus. Maybe he should be one the to ask. Take some initiative so at least he didn’t feel like some love struck fool…

“Rem?” Sirius said, whispering. He felt like… maybe if he just had one more night. One more time with Remus… maybe then it could get out of his system. The voice deep inside Sirius’ head was screaming at him _what are you doing? You’re being an idiot! This will only make everything worse! You’ve worked so hard to try and get over him_! But that sensible voice in his head was no match for the butterflies, for the heart pounding…

“Yeah, Pads?” Remus whispered back. He was looking at Sirius like he was the only person in the world. Maybe that’s why Sirius felt he could do the whole friends with benefits things from the start. Maybe it was because for… at least a few hours of the day, Remus was looking at him like he used to look at him. He was looking at him like he was in love with him… and though that made things harder for him, it also made him feel alive. He was drunk on alcohol, but he also felt drunk on Remus.

“What if we… do you want to go… Maybe we could…” Sirius was turning bright red. How do you ask your best friend, who you’re also in love with, who you’ve been fucking for months but then ended it …. How do you ask him to take you home? He was an embarrassment. Then Remus did the worst thing that Sirius could have imagined. He laughed.

“You’re… you’re laughing at me. Cool…” Sirius said, taking another drink. He was getting ready to get up and walk over to where Lily was sleeping on the couch and James was bragging to Alice and Frank about how perfect Ephie was and Remus put his hand over top of his.

“Pads… relax. I’m laughing because you’re cute. Were you asking if we should go to my place?” Sirius locked eyes with him and then his cheeks turned an even brighter red than before.

“Maybe…” Sirius said, feeling silly.

“I thought… why… I thought you didn’t want to anymore.” Remus said. “I just don’t want you to regret anything.

“No… I… It’s hard to explain… but.. do you want to?” Sirius said, leaning in a bit more.

“Are you joking? The second I saw you in that shirt and those outrageously tight trousers I wanted to take you back to mine. I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Sirius smiled. He wore this outfit with the hope that Remus would notice. He felt very satisfied that it had the effect he was looking for.

“You could never make me feel uncomfortable, Rem.” Sirius said, blushing hard because of the way Remus was looking back at him.

“Let’s go then.” Sirius did not want to draw attention to him and Remus leaving. He knew James would try to stop them and … he would probably be right in doing so. But he didn’t want someone sensible to tell him to stop. They didn’t even say goodbye and luckily James was too distracted with the Longbottoms to even notice them leaving. They popped in Remus’ flat and immediately starting kissing. It had been far to long since he had Remus’ lips on his. Remus was running his hands all over his body and Sirius was writhing underneath him.

“Can I take you to the bedroom?” Remus whispered in his ear. Chills went down Sirius’ entire body. And once again there was a flash of the sensible part of his brain going _Stop! Stop! Stop! You can’t do this! No!_ But the part that was totally and completely in love with Remus gave in.

“Yes, I’ll combust if you don’t.”

.

.

.

After they finished, Remus laid down and fell asleep almost instantly. Some silly part of him really thought that he would feel some weight lifted off of his shoulder. That this would fix everything… that he wouldn’t feel so painfully in love with Remus anymore.

_I’m an idiot._

How could he stay here… how could he be so close to Remus and not truly have him? He looked down at Remus, laying there peacefully… He kissed him on the cheek and hopped out of bed, he got dressed and left the room. He had to go. His mind was going a mile a minute…

_I’m taking the job._

_You can’t take the job, your family is here._

_I have to go._

_You can’t go, you idiot! What about Harry and Ephie! What about James, Lily and Remus. What about everything here that you love?_

_Exactly. Remus… I can’t stay here and… I can’t._

He found some parchment and a quill and he sat down at Remus’ kitchen table.

_~ Rem,_

_I’ve decided to take the job in America. Please know that you’re amazing and that I want you to visit as often as you can. I’ll still come to visit because I want to see Ephie grow up… but I just realized that this job was something that I needed to do._

_Lots of love, always,_

_Sirius. ~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song at the beginning is ‘love you goodbye’ by one direction! 
> 
> thanks for reading! we’re gearing towards the end of this story! i’m going to do a continuation of this “universe” following harry’s life at hogwarts with he same characterizations and it’s basically just a time jump from the of this story and changing to harry’s point of view! so if you’re interested you can check that out. i’ll be posting it when i finish this one up!


	11. still into you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> remus has some realizations!

_I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you, I'm into you  
And baby even on our worst nights  
I'm into you, I'm into you  
Let 'em wonder how we got this far,  
'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all  
Yeah, after all this time  
I'm still into you_

“It’s… nice. I- like the view.” James said, walking towards the window. “And the couch is nice… I’ve always liked your couch…” James looked to Lily to see if she had something to say, but she was tending to Harry who was holding Ephie in a … 5 year old way.

“James… it’s fine. I know the place is a dump. They’re paying for it. They said I’m more than welcome to get a different place, but this is so close to the office I can just walk. I figured I’d stay here for a bit.”

“Plus, it’s just you! It’s… it’s fine for one person!” Lily said, trying to sound encouraging.

“Paddy, it smells funny in here.” Harry said, plugging his nose. That broke the weird tension and the three adults started laughing. Sirius picked up Harry and bopped him on the nose.

“Don’t worry Prongslet, I’ll be coming to visit you guys. You won’t have to come here.” Sirius said, still laughing a bit.

“Why’d you have to move here, Paddy? Don’t you want to be with us?” Harry asked, eyes watering. Sirius felt a clench in his heart. He wished he could explain it to Harry, why he can’t be at home.

“It won’t be forever Harry.” He started, sitting down on the couch and plopping Harry down next to him. “I just have… some things that I need to handle before I can come back home. Does that make sense?” Sirius asked, holding Harry’s hand and hoping that it made even the slightest bit of sense.

“I… I guess so. Are you sure you can’t do it at home?” Harry asked again, just to make sure.

“I’m sure Prongslet. But I promise I’ll come to see you and Ephs all the time, you’ll barley tell that I’m in America.” Harry nodded, seemingly happy with this answer and then Lily said it was time to go because Ephie needed to get to sleep. Harry clung to Sirius for a while, but James was eventually able to pull him off and they Floo’d home.

Sirius sat down on his couch and took a look around his tiny, smelly apartment and wished, for just a moment, that he’d never fallen in love with Remus. Not in a mean and hurtful way, because he cherishes the time he spent with him when they were together. But… things would be so different. He felt like he was missing something every moment he was away from him, and he could never tell him that he felt that way.

.

.

.

“You’re insane and I mean it!” Alice was shouting across the table because of something Mary said. Remus was sitting there with his friends, watching them all have fun and not having any fun at all. He had been racking his brain for weeks, wondering how Sirius could just leave like that. Just leaving Remus a letter of about 10 words the night after they slept together… how could he do that? They haven’t even spoken since he left, not even when Sirius came back for the full moon last month, just a _hi, hi, ok, well you better turn into Padfoot now, yeah_. What was Remus supposed to say? _Hey Sirius, how are you? Why’d you leave?_

“Remus!?” He was jolted out of his thoughts at Liam’s voice and then he put a fake smile on.

“Yeah… hey. Sorry… I was just uh… in my own little world I guess.” Liam smiled, he had a smug look, like he knew something Remus didn’t. Lily put her hand on his shoulder and set a drink down in front of him, taking her seat next to him.

“Here ya go Rem!” She said brightly. Remus smiled.

“Thanks Lil. You guys get much better service here than I do. Wrong parts is what I think Mary said.” The friends laughed at that. “Are you missing the kids?” Remus asked her. Lily sighed.

“I’m trying so hard not to. But I do. I miss Ephie so much and Harry is so sweet with her it makes my heart whirl. I know they’re fine at home with James… I just… but no I want to be here I swear Mary!” Mary laughed.

“I get it Lil, kids trump birthdays! Especially lame ones like turning 27.”

“Wow… we’re getting old aren’t we?” Lily asked. “I mean I have two kids… we’re all turning 27 this year… time flies huh?” Remus agreed, time flies too fast. He still remembered Hogwarts vividly. The pranks they spend weeks planning, the times he and Sirius would find an abandoned classroom and fool around, the times that the four of them would just spend hours laughing and planning their futures. Years later and who’d have guessed what could have happened.

“Rem what is wrong?” Lily asked, putting her hand on his shoulder. “You’ve been out of it all night. Actually for the past few weeks… what’s going on babe?” Lily seemed like she was a little tispy, but nowhere near completely pissed.

“I… nothing. I mean I don’t… sorry. I know I’m being lame on a night out. I’m just not feeling myself lately.” He said, hoping he sounded convincing enough. Lily needed a fun night, she didn’t need to hear Remus feeling sorry for himself.

“Since Sirius left?” Liam asked. Remus jolted completely and could have gotten whiplash with how quickly he turned his head to look at Liam.

“What?” He said, almost yelling. He tried to remain as calm as possible, but it caught him entirely off guard.

“C’mon, Remus. I mean. One look at you guys together and you can tell you’re in love with each other.” Liam said it so casually as if he wasn’t tearing a hole in Remus’ cool exterior. He just kind of laughed to himself and tried to pretend like Liam didn’t just say that.

“Remus… if someone like Liam, who has only known you two for a short period of time can tell… what do you think of us, huh? Think we’re idiots?” Lily said, smiling a bit.

“You lot are nuts…” Remus said, trying to keep his composure.

“Remus, not to push your boundaries here, but you’re kidding yourself. I knew the first night we met that you were in love with him, and then I found out he was your ex and it all made sense because he was so jealous that night. You need to tell him. I’ve seen you a good amount in the two months he’s been gone and every single time you’ve been a complete wreck, not yourself at all. Like Lily said, if I can tell, someone who’s only known you for a few months… it must be pretty obvious.” Liam and Lily shared a look, Lily was smiling so big and Remus was having an internalized panic attack. How could Liam just say all this like he wasn’t messing everything up.

“Well… it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Sirius clearly didn’t care enough. He left. And he didn’t even tell me goodbye in person.” Remus was pouting, but he didn’t care. He’s not going to deny it to them, that he loves Sirius. But, he’s not going to sit here and let them tell him that Sirius is in love with him too, because if he was he wouldn’t have just slept with him and left like that.

“Remus are you dense! He’s so in love with you, it’s the whole reason he left! I’m tired of sitting back and trying to let you two deal with this. It’s infuriating. Sirius told me and James the exact reason that he left! It’s because he’s trying to get over you, you dumbass!” Lily was on the verge of screaming, he could hear the pent up anger, that she’d clearly been wanting to say this for a while now. It made him think about the first time he had a conversation like this with Lily.

~

_“Do you honestly believe that Sirius would care, Rem? I mean he loves you, so even if he doesn’t like you back… in that way… he’s not going to hate you or never speak to you again! You’re best friends!” Lily was shaking her head and took another drink of the Firewhiskey they snuck into the boy’s dorm. Sirius and James were at detention and Peter was on a date, strangely enough._

_“I don’t know Lily… I guess you’re right, but he’s so… him. He’s gorgeous and he always has someone after him… why would he choose me?” Remus was very good at feeling sorry for himself. Lily smacked him on the arm, hard._

_“What the hell was that for!” Remus almost shouted._

_“Don’t talk about yourself like you’re not a catch Remus Lupin! You’re an awesome person and Sirius Black would be lucky to have you!” Remus smiled brightly and was blushing. Lily is such an amazing friend, he always knew he could confide in her._

_“I don’t know… I just… what do you think Sirius would say?” Remus asked her._

_“What do you think I would say about what?” Remus practically jumped out of his skin._

_“Pads! I… nothing!” Remus took the Firewhiskey from Lily and took a swig._

_“What are you doing in here, Lily? Remus are you trying to steal my girl?” James said, hopping on his bed._

_“In your dreams, Potter.” Lily said._

_“Every night, Evans.” And James hit her with that award winning James Potter smile. Remus could tell that Lily was starting to weaken to James advances. Lily had to admit, no matter what she thought of him, that she was attracted to him._

_“James… let’s give them some privacy. Ok? I have to ask you something anyways.” Lily said. Remus gave her a look of, what the hell are you doing, and she mouthed back ‘you’ve got this!’. James followed Lily like a lost dog and then it was just him and Sirius alone._

_“So why were you guys talking about me?” Sirius said, sitting down next to Remus on his bed. Remus was blushing wildly and just kept looking down at his hands in his lap hoping that somehow the conversation would come to an end. But he knew Sirius wouldn’t drop this._

_“Moony c’mon. What’s going on? You know you can talk to me about anything.” Sirius said, giving his best puppy dog eyes, and it always worked. Remus looked into his beautiful eyes and knew he couldn’t stand a chance._

_“Ok… but you can’t laugh at me, or make fun of me, and we have to immediately drop it for the rest of eternity after I tell you, Ok?” Remus said, firmly. Sirius looked at him weirdly, but nodded._

_“Ok… I… I have a crush on you. And I know you don’t feel that way about me, and it’s fine… I don’t want to mess anything up and I planned on never telling you, but Lily went and mucked that up so I’m sorry.” Remus said, all in one breath. Sirius was quiet for a long time before finally speaking._

_“Why are you sorry?” He asked simply._

_“Because I don’t want things to be weird between us. I’ll get over it, Ok? I don’t have to… I mean I’ll move on… I just…” Remus didn’t know what else to say, he expected Sirius to say something else, anything else._

_“I don’t want you to get over it.” Sirius said, blushing._

_“I… what?”_

_“Remus… I’ve fancied you since… probably third year. You’re…. you’ve been the main character in many a dreams… and I have liked you for so long it’s embarrassing.” Remus couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sirius liked him too?_

_“You… you’re into me?” Remus asked, just to make sure._

_“So… so into you. Like… yes.” Sirius said, blushing even harder than Remus was. There was something satisfying about making Sirius Black blush. “So… what does this mean for us?”_

_“Do you… I… can I kiss you?” Remus asked him. How embarrassing, he thought. Who asks for a kiss? But Sirius looked up, blushing harder and nodded his head._

_“I would love for you to kiss me, Rem. Please please please kiss me.” So Remus did and fireworks exploded all around him. He knew it was cliché to think, but it was true and he couldn’t find different words to describe the feeling in his stomach while he was kissing Sirius._

_“So, Moony…” Sirius started, when they finally broke apart. “Does this mean you’re my boyfriend?”_

_“I… yeah. I think so. As long as you’re mine too.” Sirius laughed and pulled him in to kiss him again. They kissed for a long time until Peter got back to the dorm, mumbled something like ‘fucking finally’ and went to his bed and closed the curtains. Sirius and Remus couldn’t find it in them to be embarrassed because they were way too happy._

_~_

“Do you really think he’s still in love with me?” Remus asked her.

“YES!” Lily and Liam both shouted.

“But… we slept together the night before he left. And he just left me a letter the next morning telling me he was going to take the job. I mean… why would he do that if he was still in love with me?” Remus asked. He was more confused than ever and all he wanted was to just see Sirius.

“I didn’t know that… but I know how he feels for you, Rem. I mean it. I just… don’t overthink it.” Lily said. She was right. He needs to see Sirius, like right now. He stood up to leave.

“Where are you going?” Lily asked, confused.

“I’m not overthinking. I need to see him. Now.” Remus said, practically running towards the exit. He heard Lily say something about it being 3 A.M. but Remus couldn’t bring himself to care. He had to see him and it had to be now before he lost his nerve. He aparated home and Floo’d to Sirius’ apartment in America. 

.

.

.

“Remus… what are you doing here, It’s like 3:00 A.M.?” Sirius asked, confusedly. He’s hasn’t heard from Remus in the 2 months he’s lived here, except the very awkward excursion of last month’s full moon, and now he’s here, in Sirius’ apartment in the middle of the night?

“I-I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I… I miss you.” He said. Sirius couldn’t help but laugh at that. “What’s so funny?” Remus asked, seemingly annoyed at the outburst of laughter from Sirius.

“It’s just… I haven’t heard a thing from you in 2 months... minus seeing you as a wolf and immediately going back home... and you show up here now saying you miss me? It’s just kind of funny.” Sirius said, he didn’t mean for it to come out so maliciously, but it did a bit. Remus looked hurt.

“I wanted to owl…” He said, defensively.

“I’m not mad… I guess. Just a bit confused as to why you decided to give me the silent treatment.” He retorted.

“I wasn’t giving you the silent treatment… I just-I just needed some time to think.” And… what!? What did that mean? Sirius felt himself get very angry.

“Think about what Remus!? I was under the impression that we were friends… so what in the hell did you have to think about!? I miss you too! I’ve been wondering what it was that I did wrong this whole time… and you’ve been thinking! How amazing!” Sirius practically was yelling now.

“I’m-I’m sorry I hurt you!” Remus yelled back. “That was never what I wanted! But, I mean you moved to America, Sirius! You up and left us all and what did I get the after our last night together? A note. A fucking note telling me that you had made up your mind and you decided to take the job! I mean, what the fuck!?” Remus was close to tears, Sirius could tell. Remus made a good point. But, of course, leave it to Remus to not realize why Sirius was so hurt.

“Remus… I- I was supremely jealous of Liam. I mean like wanted to throat punch him, hex him, then throat punch him again type of jealous.” Sirius said.

“You- what!? Liam is my friend… I wasn’t even dating him!” Remus exclaimed.

“You weren’t dating him.” Sirius said, monotone. “Yeah but you were sleeping with him…right?”

“Why didn’t you just ask me that?” Remus said.

“Because it hurt Remus! I didn’t want to know.”

“Well… you jumped to insane conclusions. I was never dating him. We just became friends. He became friends with Alice because they work together. That’s it. The only time we had sex was that first night we met.” Sirius felt a bit like an idiot. And… maybe he should have just asked Remus… but… it was too late now.

“Well…you told me I should come to America.” Sirius said.

“I-no I didn’t!” Remus almost screamed. “I said that it sounded like an amazing opportunity and that if you wanted to take it, to take it. I didn’t want you to leave. I wanted you to… I didn’t tell you to leave.” Remus finished, small.

“All you had to do was tell me to stay!” Sirius bellowed. He was done playing games, dancing around his feelings. “If you would have told me to stay, I wouldn’t have even considered the job. Don’t you get it!? You’re so intelligent, I can’t believe you don’t get it!” A tear slipped down his face, he had been holding them in, trying so hard not to break in front of Remus. He quickly wiped the tear away and looked into Remus’ eyes. “You say jump… I jump.” Sirius finished in a whisper.

“Sirius I-I’m…” Remus looked like he had something to say but just couldn’t find the words. Sirius understood that, it’s how he’s felt for the past 7 years.

“I have a meeting really early tomorrow, Remus. I-I can’t do this right now. I- you can crash on the couch if you want, but I can’t do this.” Sirius said, and quickly turned and headed to his bedroom.

“Sirius I-!”

“Goodnight! Goodnight, Remus. Just… goodnight.” Sirius said, and closed his bedroom door and he plopped into bed. He wouldn’t let himself cry himself to sleep, not tonight.

.

.

.

The next morning he didn’t wake up to his alarm, like he’d have thought. He woke up to a rustling in the kitchen. He walked into the kitchen, still just in his boxers and a light, very see through tank top, to see Remus in his kitchen seemingly making breakfast.

“Remus you… you stayed.” He said, a bit surprised. When he had told Remus that he could stay last night, he hadn’t thought he actually would.

“Of course I did, Padfoot.” Remus said, as if it were inevitable. Like ‘Duh, of course I stayed.’

“I just… I didn’t think you would.” Sirius said simply.

“You said you couldn’t talk last night, I get it. But, I was hoping you could listen this morning.” Remus begun. “Because you said a lot last night about feelings and all the stuff that I’m really… very horrible at deciphering for myself, let alone to another person. But, I feel like I can now try and tell you exactly what’s going on inside my head… if you’d let me.” Remus finished, looking up at Sirius with hopeful eyes.

“I… Ok.” Sirius said. “Go ahead, Rem.” Sirius took a deep breath, ready for the blow that Remus wasn’t in love with him like Sirius was with Remus… but in that one betraying part of his brain, he was filled with hope. Because maybe… just maybe… Remus felt as he did.

“When we broke up, I was broken. I didn’t think that I’d ever feel happy again. I didn’t think that we would ever feel normal again… but we did. With time, we became just friends again. And I value that friendship so much so I never wanted to say anything that could possibly ruin this new… old friendship we had built. I have always felt so strongly towards you, honestly since the moment we met. I had always held you in a different light than Peter and James… because the way I loved them was never the way I loved you. You had always been this person in my life that never felt … the way that … I’m… I’m in love with you.” Remus said. Sirius’ breath hitched in his throat.

“You’re… you’re in love with me.” Sirius said, not asking, just repeating it out loud… because it didn’t seem real.

“Sirius… I never stopped loving you… ever. I thought eventually I would fall out of love with you… with time or something. I couldn’t. I think that I will love you for the rest of my life and even in any future lives I may have.” Remus said, looking into Sirius’ eyes. Sirius was frozen he couldn’t move or speak… this is everything he’d ever hoped for.

“Sirius… are you… I mean… can you say something?” Remus asked, feeling small.

“You’ll love me even in future lives, Rem? How cliché.” He said, looking up into Remus’ eyes with a slight smirk. “I love you too. I’ve always loved you, I’ll always love you. Forever.” Sirius said. Remus smiled and took the two steps forward that were separating the two of them and took Sirius in his arms with a passionate kiss. When they pulled apart Remus rested his forehead onto Sirius’.

“You know I’m not expecting you to like uproot this new life you’ve made here in America.” Remus said. “Long distance can work for us, I mean you’ve probably made friends and like your job and-“ Sirius cut him off by kissing him again.

“Don’t be stupid, Remus. Of course I’ll be moving home. Why would I stay in America when everything and everyone I love is in Britain.” Sirius said, smiling. “Lily, James, Harry, Ephie, Mary… you. My family is there, not here. I am going to go to this meeting today and quit. I never wanted this job anyway, I only ever wanted you.” They kissed again and then sat down to eat the breakfast Remus had made. It was cold, but Sirius felt warm inside so it didn’t matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song at the beginning is ‘still into you’ by paramore
> 
> this is the last ~official~ chapter, and chapter 12 will be a short epilogue a few years in the future! thank you so much to everyone who’s read this!!! <3
> 
> there will be a continuation of this series with these characters, but it will be following harry’s life at hogwarts! the first chapter is posted, but there’s spoilers for this story so you might wanna finish this one first! <3


	12. oh my my my

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue!

_I'll be eighty-seven; you'll be eighty-nine_   
_I'll still look at you like the stars that shine_   
_In the sky, oh my my my_

_~epilogue~_

“Marlene Lily Lupin! If you don’t get over here right now you’re going to be in big trouble!” That’s what Sirius woke up to the morning of Harry’s 11th birthday party. “We’re going to be late if you don’t get your butt in the bath now!” Remus was yelling.

“Daddy, Harry’s party doesn’t start for so long!” She yelled back.

“We’re going over for lunch, just the family, did you forget already?” Remus said, assumingely catching up with her, because the yelling stopped. Sirius smiled lightly and got out of bed and saw the two loves of his life standing in the kitchen.

“Oh gods, you’re not ready either? It’s like I have 2 children.” Remus said, sitting down on a kitchen chair. He was already dressed, he looked lovely. He had a lavender sweater and nice looking light blue jeans. Sirius smiled wide and went over next to Marley.

“Baby, please go get ready for your bath.” Sirius said, leaning down. He looked up at Remus and winked. “You look handsome, Rem.” He said, eyes sparkling. Remus just rolled his eyes, but smiled at him.

“I’ll help you with your bath while Papa gets ready, Ok love?” Remus said, grabbing Marley’s hand.

“Fine… I wanna go see Harry and Ephie anyway!” She pulled Remus to the bathroom and Sirius heard the water start. He meandered back into the bedroom and tried to find something to wear. He settled on his green sweater and black jeans, and he put on his leather boots for a bit of style to it. He thought he looked good, good enough for a 11 year old’s birthday party at least. He did his hair and tied it in a half up/half down look. He walked out of their bedroom to find Marley running naked into her room and Remus shouting behind her “Your towel Marls!” He laughed and followed her into her room. 

“What do you want to wear today my love?” He asked her, sitting down on her bed. She looked at her closet and said “Hm… special dress?” Sirius did a look of fake shock. “Wow… is this a special enough occasion?” He said, smiling.

“I think so, Papa!” She exclaimed and pulled it out of her closet. It was a golden sparkly dress with a sash around the waist and a bow in the middle. The last time she wore it was for her birthday, and Sirius thought it was sweet that she held Harry in a light that his birthday was important too.

Sirius helped her put her dress on and tie the bow and they pulled out some cute black flats for her to wear. She looked adorable and Sirius loved her more and more each day. He didn’t think it was possible to have so much love for someone, but every day he spent with Marley, he felt his heart burst with love for her. He could never thank Mary enough for being their surrogate, she didn’t even hesitate in helping them.

“How do I look, Papa?” Marley asked as she twirled around, dress fluttering around. Sirius heard a deep chuckle and turned to the door and saw Remus leaning against the door frame.

“You look like the most beautiful girl in the world, Marlene.” Remus said walking over to her. He picked her up and then he sat down on the bed, with Marley in his lap. “And you.” He said, directed at Sirius. “You are the most beautiful boy in the world. So that makes me lucky. People are probably thinking ‘wow… look at Remus Lupin… he has the most beautiful boy AND most beautiful girl.’ It’s not fair to everyone else, really.” Marley was giggling into Remus’ chest and Sirius was just blushing like crazy. It’s a bit loony that even after all this time Remus can still make him blush like a school girl. He kissed Sirius and then stood up and led them out of the room.

When they arrived at The Potter’s, everyone was there already and Harry was sitting on the floor playing with Ephie, Neville, Draco and Ron. James saw them pop in and smiled as he walked over to them. “Fancy for you to show up lads.” He said, picking Marley up. “You look stunning Miss Marlene. What a beautiful dress!” Marley smiled and as James set her down she ran over to Ephie, Harry and his friends, enveloping them in hugs.

“I can hardly believe Harry is 11.” Remus said, following James into the kitchen.

“You can hardly believe it? How can I be the father of an 11 year old!? How can we be fathers at all?” He grabbed Lily’s waist from behind as she was tossing the salad and she jumped.

“James! I could’ve dropped the salad bowl!” She said, smiling.

“We have magic, love. No big deal. The riff-raff are here.” He said, turning her around to see Sirius and Remus. She smiled brightly.

“Hi boys!” She said, hugging them both. “Need a drink?” She asked.

“I’ll grab it, Lils.” Remus said. “What do you want, babe?” He asked Sirius. Whenever Remus called him a pet name it made his heart skip a beat.

“Vodka cran, love. You should know me well enough by now.” Remus rolled his eyes and went to go make it. He just stood and watched Remus. He smiled thinking about what Remus was saying before, how he’s so lucky to have him and Marley. It just made him feel so warm inside. Because that’s how Sirius felt every single day. He wakes up, looks over at Remus and thanks whatever the hell is up there that somehow Remus loved him.

“I’m happy for you, Sirius.” James said, shocking him out of his gaze. He startled a bit and looked at James and smiled.

“I’m pretty happy for me too.” He said, smirking. “But… I mean… wow. We hit the jackpot didn’t we?” He said, fixing his gaze back on Remus. He was talking to Lily and laughing at something she said. James fixed his gaze on Lily.

“Yeah… we sure did. Reckon how we got them to love such utter prats like us.”

“I’m still not convinced they’re not under a love spell of some kind.” They turned to see who had joined their conversation and it was Peter. They all laughed and then Remus walked over with Sirius’ drink.

“Hey there, Pete. Here you go, love.” He said, handing the vodka cran to Sirius.

“Ok everyone!” Lily exclaimed. “Go ahead and take a seat around the table. We’re going to start lunch!” All the kids sat at the very end of the table together so they could talk and laugh… and same with the grownups. (But with this group… let’s face it there could be a second kids table just for The Marauders.) Sirius sat next to James and across from Remus.

As they were eating, talking and laughing with all the people he loves in the world, Sirius realized that it didn’t matter if he never got anything he wanted ever again. With Remus and Marley he was happier than he ever remembered being.

All the shit he went through with Remus, the war, the breakup and getting back together… he understood that there was no way that their love wasn’t meant to be. And even though they can’t get married, he knew that their love would never end. Even if their story started when they were way too young, it won’t end for a long, long time.

He’ll love Remus until the day he dies, and even beyond that.

_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song at the beginning is ‘mary’s song (oh my my my) by taylor swift! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading! <3 i appreciate it so much and i hope you liked it! i have another story that i’m writing that’s following harry and his life at hogwarts if you’re interested! the first 2 chapters are posted. again, thank you so much for reading this story <3


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